


If At First You Don't Succeed (Obliviate All Evidence That You Ever Tried)

by Hatsonhamburgers



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Anal Sex, Angst with a Happy Ending, Author Is Sleep Deprived, Blow Jobs, Bottom Draco, Butt Plugs, Cell Phones, Dildos, Drunk Texting, Drunken Flirting, F/M, First Time, Fluff and Humor, Humor, Implied Switching, Inspired by How I Met Your Mother, Lazy editing, M/M, Masturbation, Minor Harry Potter/Ginny Weasley, Muggle Technology, Not Britpicked, Not Harry Potter and the Cursed Child Compliant, Oblivious Draco Malfoy, POV Draco Malfoy, Panties, Panty Kink, Past Relationship(s), Self Loathing, Sex Toys, Sexting, Smut, Texting, The Author Regrets Nothing, Top Harry, Wandless Magic, im american and sorry, not knickers, somuchmasturbation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-23
Updated: 2017-11-25
Packaged: 2019-02-06 01:38:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 24,016
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12806772
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hatsonhamburgers/pseuds/Hatsonhamburgers
Summary: It's a new world, one where Draco's only son has finally left for Hogwarts, and his single status and time on his hands can only mean he Must Be Up To Something.  And if he drags a newly divorced Harry into his shenanigans, even better fun!Or-The one where the Golden Trio + Draco are buddies and this is kinda a How I Met Your Mother AU, and was inspired by @justkeeponwriting's Destiel fic which is tagged on the first page and you should read it too cause it's awesome.





	1. Harry Potter and The Friends Who Won't Mind Their Own Business

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [If At First You Don't Succeed (Destroy All Evidence That You Ever Tried)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/4903162) by [justkeeponwriting](https://archiveofourown.org/users/justkeeponwriting/pseuds/justkeeponwriting). 



> Here is the fic that inspired it all!  
> It's some damn fine Destiel smut, and I like everything about it. 
> 
>  
> 
> The title of this chapter says it all

“Harry, my boy, I’m going to teach you how to live!” Draco Malfoy announced, holding up the firewhiskey Hermione had just placed in front of him. The table collectively rolled its eyes and groaned, while Harry just threw his shot back and twitched his mouth in something akin to a smile.

“That so?” Harry said, looking at least a little amused, “And exactly how do you plan to do that?”

Draco smirked and tossed back his drink, ignoring the burn and scanning the pub for possible women Harry could chat up. There wasn’t much to pick from, truly, and Draco wasn’t the expert he claimed to be. He considered asking Hermione to help him out, but he would likely get an earful about respecting women’s boundaries and have a book on witch feminism forced upon him again. No thank you.

“Harry James Evelyn Potter, I am going to get you laid tonight!” Draco said triumphantly, slamming his glass a bit too hard back on the table. Hermione’s eyes went wide and Draco purposefully ignored her and spoke again quickly. “As your best friend-”

“I’m his best friend,” Ron mumbled without looking up from his phone.

“As your best friend,” Draco continued, unperturbed, “I shall teach you the ways of single life, and in no time, you’ll be back on the horse, so to speak, and meeting Miss Right.” He stage whispered behind his hand, “Or should I say Miss Right now.”

Harry huffed a laugh and looked around the table for support. Ron shrugged his shoulders and continued to play whatever game he was most recently obsessed with on his mobile. Hermione carefully plucked it from his hands and added it to the pile of phones stacked in the middle of the table. “Ron,” she said cheerfully, “last one in the pile has to buy a round of the good stuff.”

Ron grumbled but stood, dragging himself to the bar without a backward glance. Draco really couldn’t have hoped for a better reaction. Ron had taken Ginerva and Harry’s split harder than anyone, but it had been nearly 6 months since the ink had dried, and he seemed to finally accept that Potter would no longer be an honorary Weasley or whatever. Or perhaps he was just exhausted from the case he and his Aurors had closed that week. Some potions situation, apparently. Not that Draco cared, he certainly had enough on his plate than to read every document sent through his office.

Hermione spun on Draco as soon as her husband was out of earshot. “Draco Malfoy, you leave Harry alone-”

“It’s fine, ‘Mione,” Harry cut in.

She held her hand up, silencing Harry, and spoke to Draco. “Leave him alone to process his grief. You’d think of all people you’d be the one to understand about-”

“Let me stop you right there, Granger,” Draco said, sniffing and putting on his most imperious face (which none of his friends took seriously anymore, pity), “As someone who has been through what Harry has gone through, let me be the one who point out that you have no experience in this area and should let me help him heal. Not all of us are as lucky and disgusting as you, being all in love and whatnot. Do try and butt out.”

Hermione smirked, used to Draco’s hidden compliments. She was always seeing right through him, picking out the meaning of his snide remarks and carefully constructed sarcasm.

“Alright, Draco Malfoy, Minister of One-Night-Stands,” Hermione said cheekily, “I am sure you have much to teach Harry, being such a ladies man and all.”

“Excuse me, am I wearing my invisibility cloak?” Harry huffed, bemused, “I am sitting right here, you know.”

Draco flapped a hand at him dismissively. “Yes, we see you, Potter, and you should pay attention. This is about your future.”

Harry flicked a mild stinging hex under the table, Draco blocked it easily as he had expected it. He tisked at Harry, winking. “See? “You are always so predictable. And that’s my whole point. So predictable that you need me, your best friend-”

“I’m his best friend,” Ron repeated blandly as he levitated a round of firewhiskey onto the table.

“As your best friend,” Draco batted his eyelashes at Ron, “I’m here to solve all your problems.”

The pub had become pretty crowded by that point, and Draco took another quick look around. “Ah, there by the bar, she’s lovely.”

A tall blonde woman stood at the bar ordering a drink wearing a scandalous muggle dress accenting her curves. As they watched, she shook her hair and laughed at what the bartender said, giving a peek of her face. She was very lovely.

“Come on, Potter, it’s time to play-”

“I’m not playing ‘Have You Met Harry’ with you.”

“You didn’t let me finish,” Draco said indignantly.

Harry rolled his eyes, but Draco could tell he was fighting to hold back a smile.

“It’s time to play… “Have You Met Harry?” Draco broke into a wide smile when Harry banged his head on the table.

“Draco-” Harry groaned into the scarred (and probably sticky) wood.

“Do you think you could do better on your own?” Draco said with an eyebrow raised. Potter was so predictable Draco was positive he would take the bait. Harry looked over at the blonde for a long moment. She turned a little more their direction, and showed her profile. She was almost too pretty for Harry. Draco looked back to Harry in time to see a strange look leave his face, replaced by that familiar stupid Gryffindor courage. Ha.

“Don’t worry, I’m sure if you mention that you’re the Savior of the Wizarding World, she’ll melt at your feet.” Draco smiled and ducked a swat of Hermione’s hand. Ron was still looking with his eyes squinted. Old man would be needing reading glasses like the rest of them soon.

“Hey, isn’t that-” Ron was quickly muffled by Hermione’s elbow jabbing his ribs.

“Darling, let’s just stay out of it, alright?” She gave him her doe-eyed look that Draco was sure she used at no other time in her life but with her husband. He suspected it would maybe humanize her too much as the current Minister of Magic. She was known for her very liberal views (like the adaptation of some muggle technologies), but the elder members of the Wizengamot liked her for her severity. Draco always felt a little swell of pride when she would ice someone into silence; he just knew she learned that from him.

Ron looked suddenly more awake. He slowly grinned at his wife. “Of course, yeah, we’ll stay out of it. Say Harry,” he turned to Potter who looked a bit constipated (Draco was sure he was just thinking too hard), “you’ve got this, mate. How about a wager?”

“Good idea, Ron,” Harry turned to Draco. “Let’s bet that I can get her number in under 10 minutes of chatting her up.”

“5 minutes,” Draco countered, “and try not to get a drink thrown in your face. The usual bet?”

Harry nodded firmly and stood, sliding his mobile from the pile. This should be interesting. Ron, Hermione, and Draco watched intently as Harry ambled over to where the blonde stood. Draco considered sending him a jelly legs jinx, but he knew Harry would most likely flub it up on his own.

Draco considered Harry as the blonde turned to respond to his greeting. Harry was dressed nicer than usual for a Friday; he must have changed out of his Auror Trainer kit at the office, because Draco had never seen Harry in the short fitted robes he was wearing. They were a bit of a combination of muggle and wizard wear. Draco narrowed his eyes. Pansy had to have a hand in this new wardrobe, the meddling cow, but she admittedly had impeccable taste. The emerald green looked sharp against Potter’s skin and brought out his eyes. The cut of his trousers was sleek, and when he shifted, Draco got a glimpse of his bum, pert for his age, not doubt from staying on his toes all day training the new recruits for the Auror department. Not bad. His hair was a mess, as usual, but it looked purposeful, like he’d spent time in the mirror arranging it artfully. He still donned his ‘Harry Potter’ glasses (as they were now known in the wizarding fashion world, much to Harry’s chagrin and Draco’s delight), but they were thinner and stylish, bringing out his strong jawline and thick brows. Draco tore his eyes away to find his companions staring at him thoughtfully.

“What?” He asked sharply, immediately suspicious.

Ron shrugged, per usual, and looked at his wife. She smirked, eyes twinkling.

“Nothing,” she said lightly, “I just think it’s sweet how invested you are in Harry’s love life.”

Draco snorted. “Sweet? Hardly. I’m just doing what any mate would do. Help him to move on with his life. Is that so wrong?” If it was also about Draco finally having someone else to complain about being single with, it didn’t bear mentioning.

Hermione smiled. “Sweet.”

“What’s sweet?” Potter had snuck up on them, causing Draco to start a little. He covered it with a cough and regarded him shrewdly.

“I can see that you’re not covered in Butterbeer, so it went well?” Draco tried to keep the flush from his face by frowning. Sweet? Nothing about Draco had ever been sweet. He preferred salty. Yes, salty scheming Slytherin. And other S words.

Harry broke into a broad smile, the one that had a nasty habit of expanding Draco’s chest. It always took him by surprise how the man could fill the room so easily without meaning to.

Harry waggled his phone in front of his face. Draco promptly snatched it and read out the name.

“Elanor. Hmm. Sounds like a fake name. Potter, I think you’ve been had. Sorry, old sport, better luck next time.”

“Nice try, Malfoy,” Potter snatched his phone back and sat beside Draco in his usual spot. “Drinks, please, off you pop.”

Draco rolled his eyes but stood, spreading his arms magnanimously. “You’re welcome.”

Harry’s eyebrows hit his hairline. “For what?”

“If I hadn’t goaded you into going over there, you would still be a dateless wonder, eating cocktail olives and growing old before your time. So you’re welcome.”

Harry elbowed him in the thigh, causing him to stumble away from the table, laughing at Harry’s two-fingered salute.

The witch now known as ‘Eleanor’ had disappeared, so Draco stood in her spot and placed his order. Waiting, he leaned on the bar and looked over the crowd of mostly Ministry workers and nodded to a few faces he knew. His eyes inevitably landed on his usual table, onto the Golden Trio themselves. The three were leaning together speaking lowly in the growing din of the pub, comfortable in each other’s space. Draco felt a familiar pang of jealousy; he knew no matter how long he was a part of their crowd, he’d never be able to match the level of intimacy they had developed over the years, before and after the war. In that moment, he missed Ginny- she understood the feeling very well. She had a much better understanding of it, in fact, having been left out of so much before Draco was deemed harmless enough to associate with.

He’d formed quite an attachment to the group, and had plenty of moments where he felt a part of, where he could chime in and feel welcome. He would also have occasional moments where he would sit, astounded, at how different life was then he had expected it to be post-war. Childhood had ended for them all much sooner than it should have, and they were forced to endure the consequences of other’s choices, and then their own.

Draco shuddered slightly when he thought back to the first few days after the battle, hiding out in the Manor, his father a tremoring wreck, his mother carefully holding herself together. She was all but spun glass in those days, trying to be cheerful for Draco’s sake, and soothing Father’s paranoia as they waited for the Ministry to show up.

When they did eventually knock on the door, it was almost as if a dark heavy weight had lifted from the Manor. The waiting was driving Draco mad, the not knowing and anxiety causing him bouts of vomiting and crying. Mother did her best, managing to call in a few favors to locate Dipsy, his old nursemaid house elf, to help him through. He couldn’t sleep- images of Him and that horrific snake haunting his dreams, always ending with Potter dropping him into the flames to join Vincent, screaming himself awake. He was plagued with images of Harry, dead in Hagrid’s arms, limp, all hope lost. He was so distraught when he woke, he would forget that Potter was indeed alive and the Dark Lord dead, and it would take him several moments to remember what had happened.

Lucius was able to help the Aurors with locating a few remaining Death Eaters, and Mother was pardoned due to her aiding Potter in the Forest. Draco himself had to stand in front of the Wizengamot alone, trying to hold his head up like a true Malfoy and feeling so very lost, when Harry had stepped in from behind and offered to speak on Draco’s behalf. He wasn’t sure what to feel- it was the first time he’d seen Potter since the final battle- and his emotions had warred in his head. Relief, anger, fear….

And Harry walked out of the courtroom with him. They stood in the long hallway outside the court, staring at each other, neither knowing what to say, when Harry pulled a long-lost wand from his robes and held it out to Draco. A seed was planted that day. It would be many years before they would meet again, as Harry went directly into the Auror Training Program, and Draco went back to finish his 7th year and take his NEWTS. He made a hesitant peace with Hermione, and eventually Ron. He kept his head down and made it through to graduate and find a small entry-level position at the Ministry, but he was grateful to get it. The Manor had been all but destroyed, but Mother and Father did their best to bring it back to its former glory, and when he turned twenty, the Malfoys began the ancient tradition of arranging his marriage and the courtship process. He did his duty, and chose Astoria Greengrass, a lovely witch, as his wife, and entered into a Pureblood contract and he sired a son. His marriage was never very functional- Astoria was miserable and in love with a halfblood, and Draco was too caught up in his career to care much. Scorpius was the only good thing that came of the marriage, Draco loved him fiercely, more than he thought he was capable of, and he and his ex-wife came to the agreement that they would end it when Scorpius left for Hogwarts. It was amicable, and Astoria was finally allowed to run off into the sunset with her true love. Draco still felt the burn of jealousy, but after some long sessions with his mind-healer, he realized it was because he had never had such a strong romantic love as the one Astoria had for Terry Boot (of all people!), and her absence made the empty space in his life suddenly that much more evident.

He had friends, of course, Pansy and Blaise when they were in town, Greg when he wasn’t smothered in he and Millicent’s children, and over the years he and Potter had starting having conversations when they ran into each other at the Ministry. That somehow landed him and a then 5-year-old Scorpius on a regular Sunday visit to the Burrow so the children could play. Albus, Harry’s youngest, was Scorpius’ best friend, and somehow, Draco’s life was full of Gryffindors and family. Pansy squirmed her way in as well, somehow befriending Granger and Lovegood, and they had been accepted as who they had become instead of who they were.

So when Astoria left, he had actual friends to fall back on, to listen to him whine when he got drunk, to roll their eyes when he made crass jokes, and to tolerate him trying out dating. He was often out of his depth, but he thought he played it off very well. If he felt like a shag, he’d go to a muggle bar where no one knew him, and have a one-off. He claimed he was perfectly happy with no attachment, but when he saw the easy affection between the Granger-Weasleys, he ached for something more.

Draco snapped out of his reverie when his elbow was nudged. He levitated the horridly pink fizzy cocktails in front of him as he weaved his way through the crowd to their table.

“Draco!” Pansy had shown up in the last few minutes, stealing his seat. “You didn’t get one for me? You cad!”

Draco rolled his eyes and leaned in to kiss her cheek. “Have mine then, you mooch, but I want my seat back.”

“Finders keepers and all that,” she said sweetly, not getting up, “besides, Potter was telling me about the new young recruits and which were single and shaggable.”

Harry choked on his drink as he took his first sip. “No I wasn’t!” Pink liquid soaked into the front of his new robes. Pansy tutted and took out her wand to quickly Scourgify him. “I told you, Pans, I’m not a dating service. Besides, they’re too young for you.”

Pansy wrinkled her pug nose. “No such thing,” She sipped her (Draco’s) drink, and looked thoughtful. “I’m really getting tired of the selection on that blasted Wizard Wand app.”

Draco gave up and sat in a chair next to Hermione. “That’s because you’ve already run through them all, you trollop,” he said fondly.

She jabbed him from across the table. “You’re one to talk, what is it? Three last week?”

Draco lifted Harry’s abandoned firewhiskey glass and clinked it with Pansy’s (Draco’s dammit) pink fizzy drink. “I’m not one to kiss and tell, my dear, someone around here has to maintain the impeccable manners and poise of the Pureblood Wizard.”

Harry threw back his head and laughed. “Poise? What about last week,” he wheezed through his chuckles, “when you got so pissed we had to hold you back from starting a duel with that potted plant over there.”

Draco glanced over at the five-foot bulbous tuber tree in the corner and sniffed. “Well it had it coming. I’m sure it must have insulted me somehow. It does look awfully suspicious.”

He eyed it and swallowed the contents of his glass, not remembering when he had been given another drink, tuning out Pansy and Potters’ renewed childish giggles. His pride might be hurt, but he was possibly too pissed to care. Only time would tell.

Draco turned his focus back to Potter, eyeing him shrewdly. “Harry, you’re not going to do the thing where you call this witch right away and blow your chances, right?”

Harry rolled his eyes. “It doesn’t matter when you call. I like to call someone soon after I meet them, while I’m fresh on their mind.”

“No, no, no, no,” Draco covered his eyes and sighed. “You have to wait or you’ll seem over-eager- Weasel, help me out here.”

“The ferret’s right, mate,” Ron snickered, “sorry as I am to say it. But you don’t want to come off as a psycho. Or worse, desperate.”

“As if anyone would think of Harry Potter, Golden Boy as a psycho,” Pansy rolled her eyes heavenward. “He can get away with nearly anything.”

“Cannot,” Harry said, indignantly, “how exactly long am I supposed to wait to call her?”

“Three days,” Ron, Pansy, and Draco said in unison.

Hermione tossed back the rest of her fizzy drink and slammed the glass down, causing them all to look her way. “That is the most ridiculous, outdated, cave-man bullshit I have ever heard.”

Draco gasped. “The Minister said a bad word! Weasel, your wife is out of control! Menace!” He ducked the coaster she threw at his smirk. At least his reflexes were alright- he was pretty plastered himself.

“Piss off,” Hermione said with a fond grin. “You know I just love you guys-”

“Well, we’re done,” Ron interrupted, “next comes the tears so we’d best be off. Hugo is at the Burrow, and we only have so much alone time, if you get my drift,” Ron stood and hauled up his tipsy wife, wrapping her up in his arms. He kissed her nose. “You need a cup of tea and a sobering potion and then-” He whispered something in her ear that made her blush to the tips of her ears.

“Ron,” Hermione admonished half-heartedly. She had a rather goofy smile on her face.

“I must be off as well,” Pansy stood and Draco leaned over the table slightly to kiss her cheek again. “Things to meet, people to do,” she winked at Harry. “Good luck with Eleanor. I saw her in the loo and she is gorgeous.”

Harry shrugged and stood. “I need the loo, speaking of,” he nodded at Draco. “Will you be here when I get back?”

“Certainly, and then you shall get the next round.”

“Ta very much,” Harry smiled and headed to the back of the pub. Draco watched him go, startling when Pansy leaned into his ear.

“Are you sure-” she started.

“Do kindly bugger off, love,” he said, giving her a wry smile, eyes never leaving Harry.

She threw up her hands and walked off, swaying her ample hips, catching the eye of every wizard around, as well as a few witches.

Draco moved back to his seat, buzzing pleasantly and waiting for Potter to come back. One more drink, and he’d go. Any more and he’d have to take the Knight Bus, and it hadn’t been since the Granger-Weasley wedding that he had been so drunk he floo’d to the wrong address and had to catch the Bus home, like a third year Hufflepuff.

He had spent the wedding without his wife (she was ‘with friends’ which was code for ‘with Boot’) and Scorpius was with Mother, so he drank his lonely misery away, watching the happy couples. He had tried to hook up with a witch, he couldn’t remember exactly who it was, but it was surely inadvisable, and he was ushered to the floo by Potter and told it was time to go sleep it off.

Embarrassing yes, but it’s not like Potter was any better at dating than he was. The last attempt Harry made at going out with a girl, she had reported to the Daily Prophet that he talked about his ex too much and was overall boring. Boring! Harry might be a lot of things (socially inept being one of them), but he was far from boring. Maybe he had come on a bit strong- Harry had a way of going from zero to a hundred back to zero in a matter of moments. Draco may have found it charming, but certainly a refined witch like Eleanor would find it off-putting.

Draco glanced down at Harry’s phone. He picked it up, glancing to see if Harry was coming back yet- he was now at the bar- and he unlocked the screen and scrolled through the contacts to find Elanor’s number. On impulse, he copied the number to his work mobile and erased it on Harry’s. He then put his work mobile number in to replace it, chuckling at his own genius. Potter would text Eleanor and Draco would pretend to be her, and then he would reveal himself, busting Harry for calling too soon, and have a good laugh. It would be hilarious.

He paused and thought. Was this Drunk Draco making a joke? Yes. Drunk Draco was the life of the party, who cared if that occasionally included fighting inanimate objects? Potter and he would have a great laugh together.

Draco put the phone down and seconds later Harry showed up with one final shot. He slid it in front of Draco and sat in his usual spot next to him again.

“Cheers, old man,” Draco sighed as they clinked glasses. Harry slapped Draco on the back and let his warm palm linger a moment.

After a few moments of comfortable silence, Harry stood, holding his hand out, pulling Draco to his feet and leading the way to the Leaky’s floo. They said goodnight and went their separate ways.

Draco was halfway through making a rather pitiful sandwich in his flat when his work phone dinged.

“Who the fu-” He suddenly remembered that no, that might not be work, and oh yes, that might be Harry!

“What the bloody hell are you doing, Potter?” he mumbled, rummaging around in his discarded robes for the mobile. “It’s a bit late for calls, isn’t it?” Why was Harry drunk texting this Eleanor bird?

He stared at the screen.

Harry: This is Harry, now you have my number too :)

Draco groaned. This was exactly why he switched the numbers, to prevent Harry from doing stupid things when he was drunk. He tapped the message section and paused.

< Ha! Potter why are you texting this poor girl at 2am? You are so bust

Draco stopped. Did he really want to reveal who he was now? It seemed the perfect opportunity to.

Or...

He swiftly deleted the message, and typed out a new one.

< Hey sexy ;)

He hit send before he could change his mind again.

There was a short pause, the dots running where Harry’s response should be. His phone buzzed in his hand.

Harry: What are you up to?

Draco lit up. Oh he could really have some fun now.

< Just lying around in my panties ;D

That would show him. Draco could picture Harry now. Red face, sputtering in embarrassment, maybe throwing his phone to the other side of the room.

….

Harry: Is that so? What color are your panties?

Well, that was unexpected. Draco bit his lip, sobering a little. Now was probably a good time to reveal himself.

Or...

< Dark pink. They’re very silky.

Draco hit send before he realized it was a mistake. This was going nowhere good rather quickly.

Harry’s response was immediate.

Harry: I bet they are. Where are you?

Draco gulped. Was Harry going to ask to floo over? That was probably not a good idea, so he tried to redirect.

< I’m laying on my silk sheets. Tell me about yourself.

There was a sizeable pause, so Draco sat and watched crap telly eating his sandwich. The phone pinged.

Harry: I’m sure you know what you’ve seen in the Prophet.

Draco knew how to respond to that.

< Everyone knows what they print is rubbish, tell me something about you ;)

Harry was quick to respond.

Harry: Lol yes it is. Well. About me

…

Harry: I’m 38 and divorced, and teach in the Ministry Auror Program

Draco stood and changed for bed, brushing his teeth and slipping under his covers, relishing the cool silk on his skin. He thought out his response, erased twice and sent the next thing he thought of.

< You’re a teacher! That’s sexy!

Harry: You think so?

< Oh, yeah. I can see you so stern in front of your students. Do you discipline them?

Harry: Lol what do you mean?

< Say I were a naughty trainee who won’t do anything you tell me to?

Harry: I suppose I’d ask you to meet me after class. Alone.

< What would you say?

…

Harry: I wouldn’t say anything, I’d just grab you by the collar of your robes and lean you over my desk, roughly pulling down your pink panties

< Omg

Harry: I’d touch your round, firm arse and give it a hard smack

< Fuck

Harry: You’d cry out, but you love it. I’d run my thumbs along your thong crease and push the panrties aside and sink my thumbs into your wet, ready hole. I’d lick and suck at you and make you come by my fingers alone

Draco had his hand around his cock, frantically stroking to the image of Harry bending a faceless blonde woman over his desk, tongue shoved into her pussy, making her come. The phone buzzed.

Harry: Are you touching yourself?

< Yes oh Gods

Harry: Then I’d spin you around and shove you to your knees and you’d take my cock in your mouth, so good, sucking me hard until I’m coming down your throat and you swallow every drop

…

Draco panted and shuddered through a nearly blinding orgasm. He looked at the smear of come on his hand and shirt.

“Well,” He said to the empty room, “that was a thing that happened.”

The phone dinged.

Harry: Did you like that?

It took a few minutes for Draco to get his bearings and answer as Eleanor.

< Wow Harry, you sure have a dirty mouth

That seemed vague enough.

Harry: Lol I guess I do. That wore me out, I’m going to sleep now ;)

Draco’s eyes were falling shut so he tapped out a goodnight and flopped back on his pillow, totally intending to get up and Scourgify himself and get a hangover potion.

Draco was drifting off when it dawned on him that Harry probably had gotten off too.

*****


	2. Harry Potter And The Bathtub Of Earthly Delights

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Draco in a bathtub. More sexting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not beta'd, cause im super lazy and it's American Thanksgiving today and i just made and ate a metric fuckton of food because America. We will survive on leftovers for the next month. 
> 
> Also not Brit-picked. In fact, I didn't even check to see if I were spelling the spell names correctly :) This is my first Drarry fic and I'd love feedback.
> 
> Man, it's hard to write English English.

Saturday was mostly spent in existential crisis. 

Surely it was no big deal to fantasize about your best mate fucking some witch and get off on it? Right? 

After peeling himself of the bed and staggering to the en suite, and after one shakily drunk potion, Draco hopped in the shower. As soon as the nausea and the headache lifted, the guilt set in. Ugh. This was why he tried not to get so ploughed on Fridays, he really couldn’t get away with the drunken shenanigans the way he did back at school. He was nearing 40 for Salazar’s sake! 

And Harry! He’d lead Harry on the whole time, making him think he was that Eleanor bird and getting off from it. He wasn’t so sure Harry wouldn’t be angry with him about it all.

Draco shook himself and stood under the hot water, letting it loosen his muscles and drain away the rest of his aches and pains from the week. He let some of the guilt drain as well, reassuring himself that it wasn’t too late to tell Harry the truth; as far as Harry humiliating himself, he’d never outright said he got off with Draco, his last text seemed sort of ambiguous. That was good, Harry could at least save face, and Draco could lie and say he was just laughing along and eating a sandwich. He tried to remember the exact text Harry had sent, and decided he needed to see it. Then he could call Harry and they would have a great laugh. Because that’s what mates did, right? Played pranks on one another and laughed, right? That would teach Harry not to be so forward with a complete stranger, right?

Draco scrubbed quickly, trying to remove the last lingering bit of feelings, and ignoring his half-hard cock, he finished quickly and strode to his bed stand to retrieve his work phone. He dripped on the carpet as he pushed the home button, but was met with a black screen. Bollocks, he forgot to charge it. 

Plugging it in, Draco went about his morning routine, dressing and spending a good 30 minutes in front of the mirror taking care of his hair. His friends (except perhaps Pansy) had no idea how long it took him to make his hair look as effortless as it did. There were a series of potions that moisturized his long blond locks, and he couldn’t use drying spells because they frazzled his ends. He would then massage his scalp and brush it 2000 times, carefully shaping it into a flawless straight, gleaming sheet of perfection. He would then ruin the effect (it may or may not have had to do with how Lucius wore his long hair) by pulling it into a low ponytail, the strands almost long enough to stay snug in their band. He purposefully kept it that length- the side strands would fall and tuck behind his ear, giving him what he thought of as a casual, devil-may-care look. And if perhaps once Harry had said it suited him, that may somewhat have factored in. Sometimes he would catch Harry looking at his hair, maybe admiring the way it fell so easily and smooth. Potter was sure to be jealous with that wild bird’s nest he called hair. Though last night it _had_ looked rather good. Like he had rolled out of bed with someone. Or had someone in his classroom. Burying his face-

No, it wouldn’t do to continue that line of thinking. In fact, it was time to text Harry and make the big reveal, and have that great laugh. He was looking forward to it.

Draco checked the phone and paused. He had 3 missing texts from Harry. Hmm. 

_Harry: Hullo :)_

_Harry: Maybe you aren’t awake yet, sorry to bother you so early._

_Harry: I had a really great time last night. I hope you did too. Maybe we could do that again sometime? If not, that’s okay too._

Draco stared at the screen, his thumb hovering over the reply button. A slight stab of guilt pierced his gut, but he quickly dismissed it and tapped out a reply.

_< Ha! Got you, sucker! It was me all _

Draco paused. He didn’t hit send and waited a moment. 

Harry clearly liked this girl, and if Draco revealed himself, Harry would immediately call Eleanor and it would still only be the next day after they met. That just wouldn’t do. The whole point of the thing was to teach him a lesson. That and the great laugh thing. Yeah, that. 

Draco erased his message and started again.

_< Sorry, I was in the shower and my mobile was dead! Yes, I enjoyed your company last night :)_

_Harry: Glad to hear it. Do you have plans today?_

Draco had a moment of panic. He calmed himself. It was easy to beg off a face-to-face meeting. 

_< I have some work to catch up on from home. And dinner with my parents, of course :/_

_Harry: On a Saturday night? That’s too bad._

Draco realized with a cringe that one didn’t usually meet with family on a date night, but he really hadn’t made any plans other than the work. 

_< I know, not very exciting. Just a day of paperwork, tea, and telly._

_Harry: You watch muggle television?_

Draco laughed. Harry had quite the love affair with the telly- he had been the one who talked Draco into buying his set. He flicked his wand and the large, wall-sized set lit up, already queued up to Netflix. He was a bit obsessed with baking shows; there were several he switched back and forth from. The newest from the _Bake-off_ series had been released, and he had been looking forward to watching it. As far as Harry knew, Draco watched Top Gear at Harry’s house, and wasn’t into anything else. He would often chide Harry about making him buy a telly when he hardly ever watched. 

Draco fought the urge to make such a comment, reminding himself who he was supposed to be.

_< Lol yes, I quite enjoy the way the tiny muggles are trapped in the telly XD_

_Harry: Lol stop :))) What shows do you like?_

Draco paused. He supposed he could be honest now- it was easier than keeping track of a string of pretenses- and say it was part of the ruse later.

_< I really enjoy The Great British Bake-off. I was just settling in to watch, actually._

_Harry: I love that one! Paul Hollywood’s eyes are terrifying._

_< You’re one to talk! Your eyes are more intense than that for sure._

_Harry: Do you think so? Is that a good thing?_

Draco blushed. He hadn’t really meant to say that. It was a bit too much truth. But in fact, Harry’s eyes had always shocked Draco with their brilliant green that seemed to turn even darker and more beautiful when he was angry. He had to admit there may had been a time or two in Hogwarts where he had riled Potter up just for that twist in his lip and flash in his eyes. 

_< Lol I suppose. I hear he’s the only one returning to the show next season. I’ll miss Sue and Mel. _

_Harry: I didn’t know! That’s a shame. I adore their humor._

Draco smirked at his clever redirection of the conversation. He and Harry continued to text back and forth throughout the day, watching _Bake-off_ together and exchanging snarky remarks about the bakers’ pitiful attempt at a fluffy sponge and inability to sift flour properly. 

Draco finished quite a mountain of paperwork that day and felt pretty great in general. 

Harry signed off to go have dinner with “friends” (Draco assumed the Granger-Weasleys by the conversation the night before), and Draco stretched out on his sofa and closed his eyes for just a moment. 

*****

The phone pinged, waking Draco. He blindly reached out to the side table and captured the offending object. He pushed the button and saw it was nearly 9 at night. Harry had texted.

_Harry: Back :)_

_< How was it?_

_Harry: It was alright, I guess. Sometimes being around my friends is difficult. They are so happy together and it just makes me feel like I messed something up in my marriage._

Draco sighed. Harry was about to go on and on about his failed marriage, he was sure of it. He should probably just go ahead and tell Harry it was him answering before Harry made a fool of himself.

Or…

He could use this opportunity to see what exactly had happened to break up the marriage that the Daily Prophet called ‘The Wedding of the Century’ and had articles about the food being served and the hairstyles of the bridesmaids and exclusive photos of the stag night- which Draco had not been invited to, as he was still a social outcast. And so what if he had read every article, steaming over not getting to attend the event of the century. Mother had tried to get invitations, but Draco had rather childishly refused to let her- he didn’t want to witness his foe finding happiness while he was still stuck in the Manor trying to figure out how to get the stench of Death Eater out of the East Wing. 

He thought for a moment and tapped out a reply.

_< If you don’t mind me asking, what happened?_

There was a sizeable pause. The dots on the screen flashed and disappeared several times, and Draco held his breath that he didn’t just fuck it all up. Finally the phone buzzed in his hand.

_Harry: I guess it was a lot of small things. But small things can add up. I don’t regret marrying her, she gave me my children. But I think from the beginning, we had an expiration date._

Draco felt a rush of sadness, thinking of how hard he had really tried to love Astoria in the beginning. But somehow, he could never quite feel the connection. He saw how Mother and Father were; and not just unfailing loyalty, but a tender loving side not seen by many. And after being around Ron and Hermione, he had begun to realize that you just couldn’t force it. He had thought Harry and Ginny were the same, but now he wasn’t so sure.

_< I know how that feels. I guess you can’t force it. _

_Harry: Exactly! I could tell I was making her miserable by just holding onto something that wasn’t working. Things are much better now. She’s always going to be in my life- and I hope to find someone who will be okay with that._

Draco gulped. Was Harry really saying this to some woman he had just met? He supposed they had shared something intimate the night before, but offering that? Draco absolutely needed to stop it right now. 

_< You deserve someone who will understand it, Harry. _

He felt like punching himself.

_Harry: Thank you for saying so. Now… Tell me something awkwardly intimate about yourself :)_

Draco huffed out a laugh. Harry had an easy way of lightening the mood, even if it were at his own expense. He thought carefully before his reply.

_< I have to admit that I’m divorced as well, but love was never part of the deal. _

_Harry: Really? How so?_

_< Pureblood thing, of course. Ancient traditions, carrying on the family name and all that. But Now…_

_…_

_< Now I want something more. I don’t know how to get that. I’ve never really dated, and obviously I can’t even meet someone at a pub without it turning into sex right away ;) _

He really wanted to punch himself. Maybe he could obliviate himself and throw the mobile in the Thames. Tell his boss that it went missing. Get a new number. He was so stupid. 

The phone pinged.

_Harry: It’s not all bad, is it? ; D_

_< Of course not! Sometimes it’s good to let off steam, relieve a little stress ;)_

What was he doing??? A little voice in his head was starting to get annoyingly loud. He tried to shut it out. Draco thought back to the intense orgasm he had reading Harry’s texts about him and this Elanor woman. Harry was pretty decent at erotica. 

_Harry: Relieve some stress, eh? Well that was just what I was thinking. What are you doing right now?_

_< Lol just watching a rerun of Top Chef._

_Harry: You really love cooking shows, don’t you?_

_< Yes, but I can turn it off for you ;)_

_Harry: Just what I wanted to hear ;) Why don’t you run a bath._

_< Okay…_

A bath actually didn’t sound like a bad idea. Draco went to his en suite and eyed his tub. He cast a quick _Engorgio_ to expand it a bit, and began to fill it. He watched the water flow for a bit, then summoned the French bubble bath he had received from Pansy last Christmas. The bubbles turned colors and filled the bathroom with a fragrant rose scent. A charm had been set on the many candles floating above him, and they filled the room with a soft flickering glow. He cast an _Impervius_ on his phone (so he could text in the tub), and stripped, setting his wand on the edge of the tub. On impulse (or maybe to summon the lesser-known Slytherin Courage), he _Accio’d_ a half drank bottle of wine and a glass. 

His phone pinged.

_Harry: I’m in the bath, are you in yours as well?_

_< Yes. It smells lovely._

Draco settled himself into the almost scalding water and leaned back against the rim. He levitated his mobile in front of his face so he wouldn’t have to keep setting it down, and breathed in the humid air deeply.

_Harry: Describe yourself for me, love_

Draco nearly spit out a mouthful of Chardonnay at the forwardness of the pet name. Chills ran the length of his body in contrast to the heat of the water, sending blood southward. He shook himself and decided to stick as close to the truth as possible.

_< I put rose bubble potion in- it’s enchanted to keep the bubbles from popping, and is a rainbow of colors. I have a glass of wine and many candles lit. _

_Harry: Lol, describe YOU_

Draco bit hit lip. Truth.

_< I have my blonde hair swept up, and am laying back, the bubbles nearly to my chin. I’m relaxed...but my heart is pounding in anticipation_

He wondered if that was too sappy, but it was a bit late to try and go back. His mind flashed on something he had read in a file at the Ministry about time-turners, but even that magic wouldn’t erase how far he’d gone with this.

_Harry: I’m sitting behind you, your back pressing against my chest. You are so relaxed, your head is laying on my shoulder. I massage your shoulders and moved down your arms, circling your waist. I’m pulling you back closer and you can feel my hardness against the small of your back._

Draco sucked in a breath. He closed his eyes and crossed his arms, lightly running his hands down his biceps to his waist. He scooted back a little and imagined he could feel the length of Potter’s cock against his back. His own erection filled completely and bumped his hands as he moved them across his stomach. The phone buzzed and his eyes flew open.

_Harry: I’m sucking a mark onto your neck, nibbling on your earlobe. I’m teasing your nipples, pinching on them lightly and rolling them in my fingers._

Draco followed suit, pinching and rolling, and his breathing became shallow and quick.

_Harry: My right hand is wandering down, over your flat stomach and between your legs, my fingers coming to a rest on your opening. Do you like that?_

Draco shuddered and hastily tapped a reply.

_< Merlin yes.   
< Go on_

_Harry: Lol I love how desperate you are for me. You spread your knees as wide as your can and I press into your hole with two fingers, sliding in and out gently before thrusting in deep._

Draco let out an involuntary moan as he pressed against his puckered hole, feeling it throb beneath his touch. He wasn’t unfamiliar with prostate stimulation; he had encountered a few women in the muggle world who were into it and it was nothing short of life-changing. He pressed harder, forcing himself to relax before working a finger in quickly, relishing the burn and pushing deeper. He didn’t wait to add the second; the pain was part of the pleasure as he twisted and pushed, throwing one leg over the rim of the tub for a better angle. His erection throbbed in the water, but he refrained from touching it just yet.

_Harry: Can you feel how hard I am against your back? I’m trying hard not to come just from touching you as I work your hole deeply. Are you touching yourself?_

_< Yesyesyes_

_Harry: You’re so close and are clenching around my fingers- so tight and hot omg I’’m close_

_< Fuck yes Harry_

_Harry: Come for me_

Draco cried out as he gave his cock one firm stroke and arched his back, coming hard and fast, clenching around his fingers. He hadn’t even reached his prostate, but the pleasure was so intense his ears were ringing and his vision blurred. His pulse was racing and throbbed throughout his body as he carefully pulled his fingers out of his arse. There was a waiting message.

_Harry: Did you come, Love?_

_< So hard. Oh Merlin, Harry that was_

_< Amazing_

_Harry: Lol, I enjoyed it as well. Best bath I think I’ve ever had_

_< Same. I’m exhausted_

Draco worried his lip for a moment before tapping out another message.

_< I’m off to bed. Goodnight, darling :)_

_Harry: :) Goodnight, Eleanor_

Reality hit Draco like a bludger to the face. His spell slipped and the phone fell into the water with a plunk, mirroring the sensation in his gut. Harry was talking to Eleanor. Of course he was. Draco had stolen a moment of pleasure from a woman whose face was blank in his mind but fresh in Harry’s. He had gotten off to his best friend’s words for someone else. And the worst part was that Draco forgot to picture Potter doing this with the witch; he had imagined _himself_ sitting between Harry’s legs in the tub, coming hot all over the small of Draco’s back, feeling Harry’s mouth mark his neck as he came. 

Exactly what lesson was he trying to teach Harry with all that? What would they have a laugh over? The only laughing would be at Draco’s expense, and it wouldn’t be Harry laughing. He’d be punching. And screaming at Draco. Because sooner or later Harry would run into Elanor in person and this would all come to light. 

He felt like such an idiot and a perv, getting off on his friend’s words. And he’d _liked_ it. Who was he kidding, he _loved_ it. Loved the way Harry seemed to get in his head, under his skin, make his body do things he had never even considered before.

Well, of course he’d considered it before. How could he not? It was almost impossible not to see the appeal of Potter’s effortless good looks and style. The way he lit up when he smiled. How he would bump into Draco when they would laugh, how they hung on each other when they were piss drunk, how full Draco felt when Harry’s attention was focused in on him, as if he were the only person in the room. 

Draco shook himself from going down that road. He wasn’t in the mood to have a giant gay crisis- he was definitely straight, save a few fumbling sixth year experiments with Theo, but those hardly counted- one could appreciate the aesthetics of a bloke, even succumb to the heat and wetness of his mouth, but that didn’t mean that one was bent. Right?

Any enjoyment from the orgasm was long gone. Draco fished the phone out and vanished the water. He sat in the tub for a moment, eyeing his traitorous dick. 

“This is all your fault, you know,” he scowled at the offending member. It remained silent on the matter. Draco sighed loudly and got up, drying his body and stomping off to his bed. Maybe it wasn’t his fault. Maybe it was Potter and his stupid bet- that he could get a woman’s number. Draco had just wanted to have a nice game of ‘Have You Met Harry’ which usually ended in amusement for Draco and embarrassment for Harry, drinks on the Malfoy account, and that was much more palatable than the current mess he found himself in. So it was Harry’s fault, really. 

But Draco wasn’t in that much denial. He knew the fuck-up was squarely on his shoulders, and it might be the beginning of the end of his friendship with the Gryffindors; but wasn’t that really more his style anyway? Shooting himself in the foot was really in true Malfoy form. 

Draco stared at the ceiling above his bed. Maybe it was time to throw the mobile in the Thames after all. He could destroy the evidence and go on like nothing had happened, and Harry would never find out it was him. In fact, he and Harry were the only ones who knew about it, so who was to say that he ever had to find out? If his phone was reported missing, he had plausible deniability. Harry might be in the Training department, but he was still an Auror and mostly much more clever than Draco gave him credit for. 

Out loud, anyway. When Harry was still in Active Duty, Draco would see most of the reports Harry filed come across his desk. Terrible penmanship didn’t take away from the truly brilliant things Potter would do on a daily basis, like break up an illegal potions ring, identifying the culprit by the type of hair cream he used, and rescuing ten muggle children from a dark wizard single-handedly when he had just been knocking on a door with a court summons. Draco never had told Harry how much he admired his work, that just wouldn’t do to gush over someone who got his arse kissed on the daily by the collective wizarding world. 

Draco rolled over and moaned into his pillow. Why was he mooning over Potter? What was this, fourth year? Had he still not moved on with his stupid obsession over the Chosen One? Maybe it had just morphed into something more pitiful, more ill-advised. And this recent development of sexting with him? What the fuck was that supposed accomplish?

It took several more minutes of angst-ridden thoughts before he remembered that the next day was Sunday and his weekly visit to the Burrow. 

It was a sleepless night.


	3. Harry Potter and The Adventure of Draco's Dildo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bonus chapter! 
> 
> Solo Malfoy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comment me! I like to chat and stuff. I need validation like air. It's pitiful :) Pity me and comment XD

“Draco! Good to see you, you look well.” Molly Weasley pulled Draco into a tight hug which he never failed to blush over the gesture, equally feeling embarrassed and pleased. It was as if she knew he needed the human contact, and she was always willing to give. 

Molly took the bottle of wine he had brought and set it on the side board. The rich smells of Molly’s famous mince pies filled his senses. Only a few years ago he might have turned up his nose to something so pedestrian, but after the first time he stuffed his face with the miniature pies, Molly had sent him home with several. He had hidden them in his rooms, sneaking them with Scorpius in the afternoon. They were his favorite, and in many ways represented his warm, undeserved welcome into the lives of a family for which he had held so much ire and treated so poorly. 

Harry was already there, of course, and settled into an overstuffed sofa, laughing at something George was saying. Undoubtedly a crass joke, the way Harry was blushing. It looked good on him.

As if he could feel Draco’s gaze, Harry’s eyes snapped to his. Draco couldn’t help but notice the way his heart thumped in his chest under Harry’s scrutiny, and he bit the inside of his cheek to prevent himself from blushing horribly. He raised a hand in a greeting and quickly moved to the kitchen to escape. Ridiculous! He should be able to keep it together, Salazar’s sake, he’d mastered Occlumency during the war just to keep his Auntie Bella and the Dark Lord out of his head. He should be able to keep it together for a few hours in front of his best friend. As far as Harry knew, nothing had changed between them. 

Ginevra was eyeing him from the sink where she leaned, stirring her tea and smirking lightly. He strode over and kissed her cheek, giving her a brief hug. He had to admit, divorce looked good on her. Maybe it was the kids being gone or maybe it was-

“Why Ginevra!” He exclaimed, holding her out at arms-length. “You minx! Have you already found someone who lights you up this much? You wear it well-”

She blushed and smacked his arm, hushing him. She couldn’t keep the smile from her face, though. 

“Draco Lucius Abraxas Evelyn Malfoy!” She whispered, snickering, “Shut your mouth, I’m trying to keep it quiet. It’s a bit soon to be saying, but…” She snuck a look around him to make dure they were unheard. “...Yes! I am seeing someone. I don’t want to jinx it, and I haven’t told anyone yet, especially Harry, so keep it quiet, you.” She took a step back and gave Draco and once-over.

Ginny gasped. “Who’s the minx now, Malfoy? If I’m not mistaken, you are glowing a bit, too. What’s her name?”

Draco had a near miss, almost blurting out ‘Elanor’ for no other reason than him not having the sense of flobberworm. He blushed and pasted on his best lascivious smile.

“Oh you know, Gin, just my usual fare, nothing special.” He hoped to Merlin she bought that. She _did not_ need to know he was having an existential gay crisis over her ex-husband, who just happened to be sitting in the other room with her brothers.

She smirked in disbelief, sipping her tea. “None of my business, but that sounds like utter tripe. But like I said, none of my business.”

Draco wondered fleetingly if she could beat him up. Probably- years in professional Quidditch kept her lythe and even three babies had done nothing to diminish her raw strength. 

“ _Anyway,_ ” he said pointedly, “how are things these days? You keeping busy?”

“I’ve been offered the Head Coach position with the Falcons!” She exclaimed, looking extremely pleased with herself. “Eggleston's finally retiring, and I was the first owl they sent out.”

“That’s amazing-” Draco smirked. “Your bloke’s a Quidditch player, isn’t he?”

She blinked and bit her lips.

“Oh dear Merlin’s twisted knickers, Ginevra, you pulled a Falcon? Tell me it’s not Thomas.”

Ginny’s mouth dropped open to protest, but the words died in her mouth as she turned her attention to someone directly behind him. It had to be Potter. Fucking fuck fuck.

“Harry!” Ginny smiled sheepishly, “How nice to see you, you look well!”

Potter moved to Draco’s side and gave her an almost shy smile. “Congrats, Gin, I heard about the job offer.”

She glowed, hugging him quickly. Draco felt awkward as fuck witnessing the exchange. He really hoped he hadn’t given away Ginevra's secret romance. 

Harry grinned at her as he pulled back. “And congratulations about dating Dean.”

_Fuck fuck fuck_

Her jaw dropped and she shot Draco an evil look. Harry waved her off and chuckled.

“Actually Dean called yesterday, and told me. He didn’t want to do anything behind my back, even if it were just a date so far.”

Ginevra dropped her head, sighing in exasperation. “I swear to Circe you boys gossip more than an old pureblood sewing circle. I was planning to tell you, you know.”

Harry smirked and nodded. Draco was relieved the tension had leaked from the area.

“Actually,” Harry said, running his hands through his already mussed hair, “I have some news on that end, too.” His smile was sheepish, and two spots of color appeared on his cheeks. 

“Oh Harry, that’s wonderful!” Ginny sounded genuinely happy for him. Draco felt the sharp clench in his gut of pure jealousy. Jealousy and guilt. And a modicum of shame. 

He was broken from his trance when he realized they were looking at him. 

“Wuh?” He said unintelligently.

Harry rolled his eyes. “I just said you were the reason for for my newfound situation.”

Draco nearly choked on his tongue. What was happening?

Ginny cocked her head. “Yeah, he said you were there when-”

Draco pulled out all his Slytherin skills at once.

“You called her before three days?” He pointed accusingly at Harry. Potter looked surprised at the response. But he smiled his crooked smile and nodded.

“Yeah, and it turned out better than I could have hoped-”

Draco needed to get the hell out of there. “Excuse me,” he said glancing in the living room, “I think someone owes me some Galleons.”

Harry looked confused. “You bet on me calling too soon?”

“Uh sure, yeah that.” Draco made a quick escape, grateful for his quick thinking. He made a circuit around the living room, talking to everyone until dinner was served. He managed the rest of the evening without a second encounter with Potter. He nearly made it out of there, his arms full of leftover mince pies (he knew good and well that Molly always baked him extra), before Potter cornered him again.

“You coming Thursday?” Harry asked, snatching a pie from the pile and making Draco scowl. Harry just smiled with his mouth full.

Draco sniffed, feigning disdain. “Only if you make the Bolognese,” he said, in his poshest accent.

“Only if you bring the Elf wine,” Potter shot back. 

Draco smiled and headed out the door, wondering why the hell he didn’t make up an excuse. Thursday was their usual at Grimmauld Place, watching _Top Gear_ and eating whatever Harry cooked. He was an excellent cook, and Draco blamed him for the slight pudge he was getting at his waistline. Worth it, the food was excellent. They could watch a few cooking shows after the-

Draco mentally slapped himself for confusing his two realities. Thursday would be impossible if he didn’t come clean. For all his training in deception and sleight-of-hand, somehow Potter always managed to fill him with food and get the real Draco to surface, and there was no way he could hold up the ruse. He needed to stop. 

He said farewell to everyone and Apperated from the front step to his flat, collapsing on the sofa with a groan. He levitated the pies to the kitchen and put them in the fridge. 

Draco resisted the urge to check the phone for about 5 minutes. 

_11 missed messages_

Oh, bollocks. 

Draco sat back and took a deep breath. The messages started a half hour before he had arrived at the Burrow. He certainly hadn’t seen Harry text, but he was kind of avoiding him.

_Harry: Hi :)_

_Harry: I’m at my friend’s-sort-of-my-family’s house. I guess you must be busy too._

_Harry: My ex is here. She looks really well._

_Harry: Actually, her new boyfriend called me last night and sort of asked my blessing. I gave it of course. He’s a decent bloke. I was in school with him._

_Harry: I’m dreadfully bored. I wish you were here :)_

_Harry: If I have to hear one more dirty joke about hippogriffs, I will Vanish myself.._

_Harry: Update: I heard another one, but I’m still here :P_

_Harry: My best friend just showed up. Maybe now things will get interesting. He’s always good for a laugh :)_

_Harry: Turns out he’s making bets about me :( oh well, he doesn’t know I bet Ron every week on which robes he’ll wear on pub night. Haven’t lost yet lol_

_Harry: I just spoke to Ginny, and sort of told her about you. I hope that’s okay. I don’t want to be too presumptuous, but I’m hoping this is going somewhere. Gin seemed happy for me._

_Harry: :)_

Draco sat with his head in his hands. It was too much. He stood and grabbed a muggle jacket, smoothing his hair, and Apperated to an alley in muggle London. He needed some relief. 

 

******

Two hours later found Draco nearly three sheets standing outside a pub with a large rainbow flag hanging over the door. He thought wistfully about Theo; if he wasn’t already married off to his partner, Jim, he’d love company for his first time braving this spot. 

Draco watched a few people come and go, mustered up enough courage to go and at least buy a drink, and nodded to the bouncer before walking in.

The other clubs he’d already visited had nothing on this one. Draco stood near the entryway and breathed in a intoxicating scent of cologne, fresh sweat, and an undercurrent of arousal. There were attractive men everywhere, in various states of dress, talking and laughing, dancing, grinding up against each other on the dance floor, and doing more intimate things in dark corners. Draco shook himself and walked to the bar trying to look as if he owned the place.

There were many eyes on him, and much in the way of other muggle clubs, no one was staring at an ex-Death Eater, they were seeing a young-looking older man who oozed wealth and charm. The Malfoy persona. Draco wore it like a glove, not returning the looks in what he hoped looked like disdain, but was really fear.

The pulsing music and lights resounded deep inside him, causing a tingling sensation on his inner thighs. He ordered a double whiskey and leant on the bar to look around. 

His eye caught two men; one shorter than the other, dark hair, and the taller bloke was blond. As he watched, the shorter one pushed the blond up against a pillar, snogging him deeply and pushing his hands inside his shirt. Draco watched in awe as they ground against each other- the blond hitching a leg up and wrapping around the brunet’s waist, getting a better angle.

Draco was hard as a rock in his pants. Interesting. He knew he had drank enough to give himself whiskey dick, but here he was, getting off on watching two blokes go at it in a dark, sweaty club. As he stared, the blond looked up and caught his eye, but instead of giving Draco a signal to fuck off, the man winked at Draco and wrapped the other leg around the shorter bloke. Draco’s cock throbbed, and he felt his arsehole clenching around nothing- thinking about that blond laid out on a flat surface, being pounded into, filled up…

Draco swallowed the rest of his drink, left a tip on the bar and headed for the exit, cock pressed tight against his pants.

The night air and some brisk walking did wonders for his erection, but it was stubbornly staying half-mast. The traitor. He’d have to get off as soon as he got home- the images of the men in the pub kept surfacing, especially that wink. Like he had known. Like that random poof knew Draco itched to be filled up. By something equally hard and soft, something powerful pushing into him roughly, filling him to the brim, making him come-

Okay Mr. Trator Dick was now back at nearly full attention. Draco tried focusing on things that turned him off- flobberworms, Weasley’s freckles, when hair clogged the drain in his tub. His mind very unhelpfully reminded him of the last time he was in said tub, and his thoughts strayed to Potter. 

He’d really stuck his foot in it. Harry was clearly interested in a relationship with this bird, the only way to get out now was break up with him through text. Right. That would do. Then _Incindio_ the mobile and then Thames. Yes. Tomorrow.

He stopped in front of a shop he had seen before but never entered. He cocked his head and took a quick diagnostic of his drunkenness. Drunk Draco would easily enter a shop like this and it was a fine idea. No problem. He’d have a quick look around and that was it. Smiling at the absolute control he was having over himself, he pushed open the door.

 

*******

An hour and around 100 quid later, Draco walked out carrying a large paper sack. He looked around surreptitiously and ducked around the building, feeling much more sober than he had an hour ago, and Apparated home. 

 

Draco toed his shoes off and started stripping as he headed for the bedroom. He set the bag on the bed and pulled out its contents, carefully laying each item out and looking at his stash. 

He had purchased five pairs of knickers- (panties, he reminded himself, they were panties) in red, black, pink, dark pink, and blue. A dildo, purple, about 10 inches long, a set of 5 small plugs that got progressively larger in girth, a vibrating cock ring, and several kinds of lube. The shop attendant had given him a handful of free condoms, and Draco intended to use them for easy cleanup of his instruments rather than with another person. Finally, a kit of dildo accessories was there, containing a suction cup, a contraption that looked like a small saddle, and a vibrating attachment. He and the shop attendant had stood and talked for the length of his shopping trip, and the man was nice and not at all unprofessional, and seemed enthusiastic about helping Draco understand how to safely use all the equipment he had purchased. He felt very confidant about his new knowledge, and ran his fingers over the dildo, deciding what he should do first. But first, a shower.

The clock read half midnight, not too late, but he hurried through a decent scrub and a cleaning spell on his more delicate area. He toweled off and approached his bed with barely contained excitement. His cock had been between full and half-full for a few hours now, and he was starting to relish the torture of going slow. Often, when he pulled a woman, it would be quick- he’d take care of her pleasure first, then his own quickly after, not slowing down much to enjoy it. It left the women satisfied, but perfectly fine with not leaving their number. 

He touched the delicate lace of the red panties. He got the idea from that first text with Harry, and when he saw them in the shop, he just had to have them.

Draco resolutely pushed any thought of Harry from his mind and stepped into the panties. They were silky and soft against his skin as he slid them up, the thong laying against his crack and the front barely containing his bulge. He looked in his full-length mirror, expecting to feel ridiculous, but actually liking what he saw. The silk sheathed him neatly, rubbing the head of his cock with the slightest movement. He liked the contrast of soft and silky against his hard muscles and masculinity. He spun and looked at them from behind. 

_Oh yes._

He watched the reflection behind himself as he slowly bent over, the thong sliding tighter against his skin, rubbing deliciously against his areshole. He lowered himself to his hands and knees, watching as his arse wiggled playfully back and forth. He spread his knees a little wider, gasping at the drag of the fabric against sensitive skin, and moved the thong to the side, baring his hole to the reflection in the mirror. His cock throbbed at the sight. He pressed a fingertip against himself, prodding and massaging it, causing it to flutter beneath his touch. Gently he pushed harder, the dry digit pushing in with a small burst of pain, breaking him out a thin layer of sweat across his chest and back. He suddenly knew what to try first.

Draco hopped up, noting the way the thong shifted back into place, cradling his bollocks. He ripped into the accessory pack and pulled out the suction cup. He grabbed the purple dildo and the plugs, a bottle of lube and a condom. 

He attached the suction cup to the end of the dildo and rolled a condom onto it, slathering it with lube and slapping it onto the mirror, adding a sticking charm for good measure. He ended up having to adjust it a few times to get the right height, but he was finally satisfied. He laid his bath towel on the floor and positioned himself on top of it on all fours again. 

He put the lube within easy reach and coated two fingers, reached behind himself, eyes glued to the mirror over his shoulder and pressed one in, clenching on the intrusion, waiting, relaxing, and pushing in. He pressed in until he was two knuckles deep, and he twisted. His cock was dripping, making wet spots on on the red panties, and causing the tip to peek out the waistband. He pumped his finger in and out, twisting and pulling on his rim, desperate to feel more. His second finger went in quickly next to the first, scissoring, plunging. Draco was making grunting, moaning sounds, grateful no one was around to hear. He sat up on his knees, leaving his fingers buried inside himself and grabbed his wand, and put up several silencing charms just in case the neighbors heard. He wanted to really let go.

He dropped down again, twisted back to watch his fingers disappear into himself, and wiggled a third in too. He gasped at the burn, moaning as he withdrew them, picking up the second smallest plug. A quick lube up, a shift in his stance, and a deep breath, and he pressed it into himself. It felt different, inserting something into himself that wasn’t his own fingers, but different good. The plug stretched him wide and he pushed in, stopping when it flared and rested against his rim. He stood up and shuddered as it shifted inside him. He looked in the mirror in a standing position, his face flushed, beads of sweat collecting, breath heaving, and hands shaking. He was so turned on. He touched his pebbled nipples and gasped, running his fingers over his chest, dragging them on the luxurious silk of the red panties. He turned so he could see the dark blue silicone plug, now covered by a strip of fabric where his thong had moved back into place. He walked to his wardrobe and back, relishing the way it was barely long enough to tease the edge of his prostate. He could probably wear it all day, and no one but him would know. 

He dropped back to all fours and gently pulled it out, touching his now swollen, puffy rim. It wanted more. He wanted to watch his hole suck in something bigger. He reached for the fourth plug and lubed it up. It took some working, but he managed to twist it in there, sweat now dripping off his brow. It felt so much _fuller,_ but he wanted deeper, and the plug went only so deep. He pulled it out slowly, watching in the mirror in fascination as his hole stretched over the large bulge and retracted back to its original size. 

Draco eyed the purple dildo, licking his lips. The moment of truth. He was about to have something very extremely cock-like up his arse for the first time, and in the place of apprehension and fear, he felt excitement and wonder. And horny. So very ready to come. It had been too long and he was ready to explode. 

He shuffled backward until his heels hit the mirror. He had to spread his legs a lot to back up enough, but the view was fantastic. He held the dildo with one fist and slowly backed his arse into it, rubbing the head along his crack, catching it on his loosened hole. 

He pressed back, but he missed the view when his eyes fluttered shut. _It was so big._ He imagined it attached to someone real. He knew a dildo was a fake cock and longer than the average, but the width was realistic, and he wondered how the hell he would-

Oh, Merlin, it popped past the first ring of muscle, stretching it widely. With his eyes closed, he could feel it acutely. The ridge of the head, the fake veins on the shaft, the coolness of the silicone. It warmed to his body temperature quickly, and he pushed back and back until his arse was as near the base as he dared to go. Opening his eyes, he watched as he pulled off and pushed back in, the suction cup holding it still, doing all the work. He rocked back and forth on his knees, not going too far, getting used to the feel. His balls were tight to his body, so he pulled on them gently, the pleasure ticking up a little more. He clinched down experimentally, groaned loudly at the good-pain, speeding up his thrusts. He pulled at his balls and pinched his nipples alternating, while his left arm shook in the effort to hold his weight. His arm finally buckled and he fell to his forearm at the same time he pushed back, causing the flared head of the dildo press his prostate suddenly.

He cried out, his cock dribbling onto the towel, as he pulled out and did it again, the angle working perfect to rub his prostate directly on every thrust. The heat and prickles all over his skin intensified as he felt his arsehole clench in anticipation. His stomach tightened as he made his thrusts rough and faster, crying out with the effort, wishing someone was there to pull him back onto the cock, to _take_ him, grab a handful of his hair and _pull-_

“Ughn, Harry!” 

He came in a rolling wave, almost a slap in its sharpness when it peaked and crashed, his hole rippling over the dildo, sucking it further in. 

“Fuck, fuck, fuck, Harry,” he moaned into his arm, massaging his prick to pull the last drop from it. 

He kept rocking a little until he was too sensitive to continue. He pulled off slowly with a wince. He was going to feel that for a few days. 

He pulled off the condom and took his toys to wash them in the sink. Every step, he could feel a throb, like the blasted thing was still in there. Strange. Washing the toys, his hobbled back to the bed and checked the clock. He was mostly sober, but still pretty awake for it being so late. 

He eyed the saddle, stroking his cock idly. It was definitely interested, but still rather tired. He might as well just try it out, he supposed, since he was still stretched. He wouldn’t have to prep again, and he could see now if it worked well for what it was advertised to do. Sure. Those sounded like good reasons for trying to get off a second time. He smiled to himself and grabbed the big purple dildo and the saddle and popped the cock through the hole and clipped it down. He set the saddle in the middle of the bed and stripped off the come covered red panties, wiping off any remaining come. 

He observed the purple cock, just jutting straight up from the center of the bed all alone, and got an idea. He grabbed a few large pillows and laid them in front, mimicking a soft body. He fiddled with the angle of the dildo in the saddle to point more toward the head of the bed and slipped another condom into it and lube too. His cock was valiantly trying to get hard again, but it really didn’t matter to him in the space of this experiment. 

He swung a leg over the saddle, and squatted rather ungracefully over it, gripping the dildo behind himself and pressing it to his hole. He shuddered as he pushed back, breaching himself with little difficulty. He was pleased to see it still burned deliciously, and he rocked and shifted until he was riding the dildo. The saddle was genius; it kept it in place so he could swivel his hips, moaning and rocking. He put his hands on the pillow and imagined it was a chest. A hard man’s chest. He closed his eyes and fucked back into the cock, lifting himself up and slamming down with renewed vigor. He summoned up images in his mind from earlier that night.

_Draco gripped his shoulders and ground against him, forcing the cock deeper, harder. He leaned forward, capturing soft but demanding lips, moaning as their stubble brushed together. He rocked harder back, slamming his hips down. Strong arms held him down and fucked up into his hot, willing hole. The hands roamed up and threaded through his hair, now completely loose from the hairband, and pulled,_

Draco pulled his hair, moaning at the sharp sensation. He sat back up again and found his cock with his other hand, shuddering and pleased that it was so hard and dripping again. He leaned further back so the dildo changed angles, once again hitting his prostate. He stroked himself in a tight fist, almost tight enough to be painful, his movement in time with the cock pounding into him. He imagined Potter’s hand on his cock instead, milking pleasure from him, pounding up into his hole, fucking him hard, calling out for Draco-

“Fuck me harder, Harry,” Draco called out blindly, his head thrown back, eyes closed. “Fuck me fuck me fuck me-” He let out a long deep moan as his orgasm hit and he came over his fist, rocking back through his pleasure. 

Draco pulled slowly off the dildo, dizzy and sated. He flopped to the side of the saddle and closed his eyes. That had been the most intense session of masturbation Draco had ever experienced. 

He conceded he might be a little gay.

Or a whole lot bisexul. One thing for sure was he was a definite bottom, and the only cock he wanted in the whole wide world belonged to a bloke who was straight as an arrow and going to be fucking pissed at him for the rest of his life when he found out Draco had faked being Eleanor.


	4. Harry Potter and a Sure Way to Get Fired From Your Job

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Why Does Draco Keep Trying To Have Sex With Harry?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HTML is my bitch now. Sort of. Mostly. 
> 
> Comment me! We'll swap recipes!

Monday could get fucked. 

Draco had his head down on his desk and regretted his life choices for the millionth time. He had woken late, still covered in come and lube, and stumbled through his morning routine, cursing muggle scotch whiskey. It always made him do wild things, such as go to a sex shop and purchase enough gear to make even Pansy blush. And come with Potter’s name on his lips, not once, but twice, which was alone impressive, but fuck he was sore. His knees were particularly angry with him- why the hell did he think that had been such a good idea? He worked out a crick in his neck and shifted in his chair. He could feel the ghost of the purple dildo still lodged inside him, but that was the only nice thing about the day so far. He fortunately kept a vial of hangover potion in his desk, but it did little to reverse the effects over being bloody too old for this shite, and he creaked and cracked every time he moved. 

And worse yet, he had to bring the mobile to work, as it was his actual work mobile, so after ignoring it for a few hours, curiosity got the best of him and he looked for missed texts. 

There were none.

Draco frowned at the phone. Why hadn’t Harry texted him that morning? Was he giving up? 

His fingers itched, finally he gave into the temptation and tapped on Harry’s name.

“Morning, Draco,” Hermione swept into his office, her long Minister’s robes swirling in a way that Snape would have been proud of. “Do you have that copy of the rulings on Ministry raids in the late 1400’s ready?”

Draco hid his phone (which he realized was stupid, it was his work phone after all), and motioned to a pile of carefully stacked parchment on the corner of his desk in a box marked ‘Minister’. 

“Are you okay?” Hermione caught him in a steely gaze and waved her wand at the door, sealing it shut. 

Draco wondered if it was now evident by looking at him that he preferred it up the arse. If something fundamental about him changed. Like his aura. Or the number or Wrackspurts hovering around his head.

“Wrackspurts,” he blurted, rolling his eyes at his eloquence. “What I mean is, Luna herself would say the number of wrackspurts around me would have doubled by now.”

He realized too late that he wasn’t making any sense. How could he still be drunk?

“Wrackspurts.” Hermione contemplated that for a moment, her eyes scanning his person, as if she could see the imaginary creatures. “You look peaky, is all. Rough night?”

Draco nodded. He wanted to tell someone, anyone, and he trusted Hermione more than most, so he sighed and motioned for her to sit down.

He took a deep breath. “I think I might be a little gay.” He waited for her to exclaim some sort of surprise or shock, but she just nodded and smiled softly.

“Good for you, Draco. I’ve heard coming out when you’re our age can actually lead to a fulfilling life.” 

“What an odd thing to say, Granger,” Draco squinched up his face, shaking his head.

She sighed. “Well, what I’m saying is...good for you, maybe this will lead somewhere wonderful for you, I hope it does. Even though you’re still a prat, you deserve love.”

He suddenly felt like crying. She smiled at him and came around the desk to pull him up into a proper hug. He held it in, snuffling quietly, feeling small. She held him back at arm’s length, and gave him a serious look.

“Draco Louise Pierre Evelyn Malfoy. You deserve to be happy. And you will be, one day.”

He huffed a laugh at their over-used name joke, and wiped his eyes and nose on his sleeve. She tutted and _scourgify’d_ his robe sleeve.

“I swear, you’re as bad as Harry sometimes. But I expect more out of a cultured ponce like you, darling,” she smiled sweetly as she dodged a swat of his hand, heading for the door. “But seriously, thank you for coming out to me, I feel honored that you trust me that much.”

“Go on, Minster, don’t you have a country to run or something? Piss off, so us peasants can do all the hard work.” If his smile was a bit watery, she had the decency not to say so. 

He sat again and pulled out the phone. He sighed.

_< Hi! Sorry for the radio silence. Bit of a mad night. I’m glad your ex is moving on. Everyone deserves to be happy._

_…_

_Harry: Hello to you too :) It’s funny, I have a friend who says that to me all the time. I guess I’ve been a bit miserable most my life lol_

_< What?? But the Prophet reports that life is all roses and free dinners for the Chosen One ;)_

_Harry: XD Ha ha. Not so much, you know I haven’t been offered a free dinner in years? The nerve of some people!_

Much to Draco’s delight (and regret), the playful banter continued all day, and Draco learned more about Harry than he had ever known. He learned that Harry was claustrophobic and still had war nightmares. Draco told him his (Eleanor’s) family was regrettably on the wrong side of the war, and he still had nightmares about losing a dear friend. He stuck to the truth as much as possible, and fortunately, Potter didn’t ask questions. The day passed quickly, which was a relief, but Draco hated himself with how easy he had fallen into the routine with Harry. 

_Harry: I really wish we had known each other in school._

Draco winced. Statements like that always brought reality back, and he usually redirected to easier territory. But this time he answered as honestly as he could.

_< I do too, Harry. _

********

Tuesday was more of the same. Draco busied himself with work as much as possible. They texted on and off throughout the day, mostly innocuous comments about things like Harry’s plans for the holidays when his children returned from school, and Draco’s complaining about the amount of paperwork he dealt with. When Harry had asked about his job, he basically said it was boring and he had to fight to stay awake sometimes, but he was happy to have it. 

_Harry: What would you do if you could change careers?_

Draco chewed his lip.

_< If I could go back, I guess I would go for my potions mastery or perhaps open a small business in Diagon dedicated to rare books. But it’s a bit late for that lol_

_Harry: I dunno, maybe not. I have been thinking about changing careers for a long time now._

_< The Great Auror Harry Potter? How could you ever want to quit that lol ;)_

_Harry: It’s not what it used to be. I quit active duty when I realized I wanted to live to see my children grow up, you know? And now, training is the same day in and day out. I could use a change. But I do love teaching. I was offered a position at Hogwarts, doing DADA, but I didn’t want to intrude on my kids’ lives. I feel like they would be in my shadow and that seems unfair. But the house is so quiet these days._

_< Wow, that would be a change, wouldn’t it? I’ll admit I’m a bit lonely these days as well. _

_Harry: You have friends, right? Family?_

Draco realized his mistake. They were veering into territory they hadn’t discussed before.

_< Of course. But it would be nice to come home to someone. It seems like everyone has someone, you know? _

_Harry: You said it. I never learned to date, either. But I like what we have :)_

Draco felt like smashing his head on his desk. The closer to Harry he pushed as Eleanor, the further from him he drifted as the real Draco. When his ruse was discovered, any friendship with Harry would be through. Why was it so hard to just give up what he was doing?

_< So do I._

Draco jumped when his other mobile chimed out from his pocket. He scrambled to get it. 

Fuck. It was Harry. Texting the real Draco. Or just Draco. _Merlin_ , he was confused.

_Harry: We still on for Thursday?_

Fuck fuck fuck bloody buggering fuck.

Draco had forgotten about having to face Harry on his own at Grimmauld to watch _Top Gear._ He thought about begging off, but it was suspicious the way he had handled their encounter at the Burrow, so he needed to act as if nothing was wrong. Also, seeing as Harry would soon figure him out, he might as well go and enjoy Harry’s company while he could.

_< Of course, remember you owe me Bolognaise! _

_Harry: Lol, and you the wine. See you at 7._

Draco set both phones on his desk and stared at them. The feeling of dread in the pit of his stomach was overshadowed by excitement, and he felt shame for it. Salazar, he couldn’t remember a time in his life where he’d had so many bloody _feelings_ at one time. He was a bit disgusted at himself. Or a lot disgusted. 

What the fuck was he going to do?

*****

Wednesday had Draco in front of one of his superiors getting his arse handed to him. One of his workers had misplaced a file, and until it was found, Draco was under fire from the upper management. Summoning spells were of no use in the Ministry archives, its use could destroy the very careful organization. Draco had placed the wards himself; when he took the position, his predecessor found it the best (laziest) method to retrieve paperwork, and the charm would usually cause paper avalanches which would be left for he and his co-workers to deal with. He put a stop to it and it became easier to locate files once everyone memorized the order of the files. The storeroom was equipped with charmed carts that could take one to the exact area of the file, and one had to simply follow the numeric system and pull the file. Levitation worked in there, so even the files containing the darkest magic signature could be moved easily. 

So not only was being at the end of a proper reaming eating at Draco, but the failure of his perfect system was putting him into fits of rage. His underlings were avoiding him, and he was accidentally conjuring storm clouds inside his office. Fortunately, the _Impervious_ charms held, but he occasionally had to dry his robes. It was quite obnoxious. 

And Potter had barely texted that day. 

Draco stopped for lunch and plunked down in his chair at his desk. He picked up the work mobile and saw no new messages. He grumbled and tapped out his own.

_< Having a shit day at work. Tell me something to cheer me up._

He hoped he didn’t sound too uncharacteristic and demanding. The phone pinged quickly.

_Harry: I think I can come up with a way to make you feel better ;)_

Draco’s heart sped up. Was Harry suggesting something now? In the middle of the work day.

_< Really? That might be interesting...._

_Harry: Are you alone right now?_

Draco felt warmth and tingling coil in his belly as his cock began to fill beneath his robes.

_< Yes, but my bosses could walk in at any moment._

_Harry: Well, we’ll just have to be quick about it then. Are you at your desk? Lock the door._

Draco obediently flicked his wand at the door, sealing it and sound-proofing it for good measure. He sunk down in his chair a bit and spread his thighs wider to accommodate his erection. He palmed it through his robes.

_< Alright, the door is locked. Yes, I’m at my desk._

_Harry: Good. You’re so good for me._

Draco flared hot at the praise. It felt really good. He hardened completely under his palm.

_Harry: I’m in your office too. I’ve crawled under your desk, pushed up your robes to find your silk panties. You’re wearing the silk ones, yeah?_

Draco moaned. He was indeed wearing the silk panties. He had for the past few days, relishing the secret beneath his robes, and the silky comfort and how sexy he felt. 

_< I have the black ones on today. A thong._

_Harry: Fuck, you make me so hard. I have my hands on your thighs, pushing them apart so I can get as close as possible. I’m breathing hot on your thighs, sucking bruises as I make my way closer to where you want me to go so badly._

_< Oh fuck, Harry, go on_

_Harry: I’m mouthing you through the silk, licking and sucking on the fabric. I’m slipping my fingers between your lips, and you’re sucking on them hard, wetting them_

Draco moaned and shoved two fingers in his mouth, sucking and laving them, imagining they were Harry’s. He hitched one foot up on the surface of the desk, exposing himself more for Harry’s mouth. He pushed aside the thong to get to his hole.

_Harry: I’m pressing my wet, hot tongue into you, licking, I’m fucking you with my tongue. Does it feel good?_

Spreading his legs as wide as they would go, Draco rubbed and pressed on his arsehole, massaging it, pressing a little inward. He was loosening up quicker than he expected; the practice the night before with the plugs was paying off. He pushed in a finger easily. He tapped out a response one handed.

_< Fuck, Harry, I’m already so loose and wet for you_

_Harry: Oh Merlin, I almost just came from that. I have my fingers in you now, fucking you properly with them, are you touching yourself?_

_< Yesyesyesyes_

_Harry: I’m so close already, are you?_

Draco had the phone on the desk, stopping wanking himself furiously for a second to reply

_< Y_

_Harry: Fuck I’m fucking you on my fingers and wanking myself raw watching you lose control. Come for me._

Draco let out a low guttural moan as he came over his fist, his hole clenching around the three fingers he had managed to shove in there. He almost blacked out from the intensity. He felt so deliciously naughty, wanking at work. He withdrew his fingers with a wince and grabbed his wand and cleaned up thoroughly, still panting as he came down.

_Harry: How was it? I made an absolute mess of myself._

_< That was amazing, Harry_

_Harry: This is what you do to me_

The phone pinged a second time with a picture message. With shaking fingers, Draco tapped on it. The clear image of Harry’s spent cock filled the screen, come dribbling down the sides and onto Harry’s hand which still gripped it at the base. Draco’s cock throbbed hard and his body flushed. Harry sent him a dick pic? Holy Fucking fuck, a pic of his cock after getting off from making Draco come-

Reality crashed in again unwelcome, once more. Harry had thought he made Eleanor come at work at her desk. He hung his head. The phone pinged again.

_Harry: I hope that wasn’t too forward ;)_

_< Merlin no, I love it. Looks delicious ;D_

_Harry: Lol thank gods. I have to get back to work. Thanks for the break ;)_

_< No, thank you! My day has vastly improved._

Draco dropped his phone and covered his eyes. “Why do I keep trying to have sex with Harry?” he asked the empty room.

After only a few seconds, he had his phone open again, staring down at Potter’s cock. He had been trying to get a peek at it for years, if he was being honest with himself- in the quidditch locker room showers back in school, sometimes at the pub when they were at the urinals together piss drunk. Bad etiquette, of course, but Draco had convinced himself that he needed to see if the Golden Cock of the Wizarding World was living up to its name. He told himself life couldn’t be that unfair that Potter would be bigger than him. 

Life was more than unfair. But instead of jealousy, which he expected to feel if he’d ever gotten a peek, his mouth watered, and he wondered what it would feel like against his tongue. How far down his throat he could force it, if he could keep from gagging. Circe knew he loved receiving blowjobs, but would he ever be able to give one?

He then remembered it didn’t matter, because even with the dawning of information of his newfound proclivities, he wanted no other cock in his mouth but Harry Potter’s. And that was never going to happen.

Someone banged on his door and Draco nearly fell from his chair in effort to tuck himself back into the panties and and straighten his robes, hair, straighten the papers on his desk, and freshen the air from the scent of his arousal. He cleared his throat and flicked his wand at the door, opening it.

A mousy witch who went by Miss Graves stepped in with wide eyes and a nervous smile.

“I found the file, Mr. Malfoy,” she said meekly, holding it up with a shaking hand. Draco withheld a wince. He supposed he owed her an apology for being a giant prat earlier.

“Well done, Graves,” He said with a grin, holding out his hand for the papers. She returned the smile and relaxed, giving him the file. He saw the mislabel and nodded. One word was off, by just a few letters, so he could see where it had been filed in the wrong section. It so rarely happened, and he was still feeling floaty from the orgasm, so it was forgivable. “I see what happened, just don’t let it happen again.”

She nodded happily and turned to leave his office. 

“Graves,” he called out on impulse, “are you happy in this department? What I mean is, do you see yourself advancing in your career?”

She froze like a erumphant caught in a _Lumos Maxima_ and turned back to him.

He shook his head and smiled. “No, no, you’re not being fired. Quite the contrary. I was asking if this is a job you enjoy and would be satisfied to move up in the management.”

Her face broke into a grin. “Sir, I know it may be odd, but I do enjoy my job. I like the organization and comraderie among the staff, and I can see myself here long after marriage and children, it’s like family here.”

Draco felt a small spark of pride in his chest. Part of his personal reparations from the war was to shed his notions of exclusivity and superiority. He was still a prick sometimes and he knew it, but he did his level best to make his employees happy. They were so much more effective at their jobs when they were. It made him look good to run such an efficient department, and if that was the only way he could redeem the Malfoy name post-war, it was enough for him. 

“Glad to hear it Graves. You’ve been a great asset to me over the years, and I intend to let the higher ups know as much. Thank you, you are dismissed.” He waved a hand at her, embarrassed by the display of emotion on his part, and her beaming face. He busied himself with papers on his desk as she thanked him and left. Draco sighed and rolled up the file and popped it into the tube that would take it to the third floor. 

He resisted the urge to stare at Harry’s cock all day and sent the pic to his personal phone and deleted the pic on his work phone. He really needed to clear out his history. It would just not do to be caught with it all. But he hadn’t so far because it was such good wank material. 

He was disgusted with himself.


	5. Harry Potter and the Really Gratuitous Porn

Thursday was nerve-wracking, to say the least, and Draco wanked himself raw that morning, again at work, and once he got home, just to ensure his traitorous cock would behave itself at Harry’s. 

They had texted on and off that day, nothing scandalous, just mostly about wizard vs muggle music, and gossip about Celestina Warbeck. 

He had about a half an hour until he had to be at Harry’s, so he tried on every combination of robes and muggle clothing and wound up sitting on the floor in his light pink panties staring blankly at the three selections he had narrowed it down to. Why did it even matter? This wasn’t a date. This was just Draco hanging out with a mate, stuffing his face and watching telly. Watching telly inches away from someone he wanted so badly he couldn’t think straight. 

Ha. Straight. What Harry was, and Draco wasn’t. There was no need to impress someone who couldn’t even think about him like that.

He finally just grabbed a blue button down and a pair of light gray trousers and threw on his muggle jacket. He avoided the mirror as he holstered his wand in his sleeve and left the work phone on the bed. Grabbing the bottle of wine he had carefully selected after work, he stepped into the floo.

The spicy smell of Harry’s red sauce hit his nostrils as he stepped from the Drawing Room fireplace at Grimmauld Place. Harry had worked very hard over the years to make the place more welcoming, and kid-friendly, but Draco could still feel the lingering dark magic. It wasn’t threatening, it just felt solemn and ancient, a noble memory of Draco’s mother’s pure-blood origins. The house had eventually accepted Harry as its new Master, and even Kreacher looked at Harry now with something akin to adoration. The poor old Elf was near retirement, and Harry kept him around because it was Kreacher’s house too. Occasionally he would bring tea, but mostly he was just Harry’s surly flatmate, still grumbling nonsense under his breath. 

The house sighed around him as Draco crossed the room. He took a second to stroke the doorframe fondly, appreciating how it found him familiar and welcomed him so easily. He didn’t know if it was because he and Harry had become friends, or because his face was emblazoned on a certain upstairs tapestry that Harry kept around for some reason, but it didn’t matter. It was nice, nicer than the way the Manor embraced him. The Manor was still traumatized from the war and had difficulty when Draco stayed away too long. It would throw tantrums and do things like try and lock him in the bathroom or ply him with new draperies in his old rooms, trying to get him to stay. Mother swore she didn’t have anything to do with it, but Draco was suspicious of the matriarch of the house- she missed him as well, even more so since Father had passed. He planned to make a trip for lunch on Saturday. 

Harry was in front of the hob, singing off-key to a song on the wireless- Draco recognized it as the new Celestina Warbeck they had discussed earlier. He opened his mouth to say as much, but caught himself just in time.

What would Not-In-Love-With-Potter Draco do? He could barely remember how that Draco acted.

He itched to get the wine opened.

Draco cleared his throat, causing Harry to spin around, surprised. He grinned and laughed. 

“You caught me. I’m a terrible singer. Don’t tell anyone, especially Ron, he’ll tease me until we’re old and grey.”

“Your secret’s safe with me,” Draco tried not to cringe at his choice of words. The song changed, but Harry turned it down with a hard stare, using wandless magic. 

“Show-off.” Draco smirked and opened the cabinet with the wine glasses. This could be alright. This was Harry. He could repress his feelings for one more night, apparently he’d been doing it for years, why should tonight be any different?

_Because you’ve seen his cock,_ an unhelpful voice in his mind whispered, _and gotten off to it several times now._

“Shut up,” he whispered.

“What was that?” Harry was stirring the sauce with a towel flipped over his shoulder. He looked perfect and beautiful.

“Wine?” Draco said brightly, pouring two healthy glassed and setting them on the table to breathe. 

Harry glanced over at the bottle and did a double take. “Damn, Draco, that bottle is nearly twenty-five Galleons! What’s the occasion?”

Draco blushed, glad Harry’s attention was turned to the food. “No reason. Just felt like buying an overpriced bottle of wine. The sauce smells amazing.”

Harry grinned down at his work and combined the pasta with the sauce and tossed it together, separating it onto two plates.

Draco looked around. “What, no plate for Kreacher tonight?”

“Nah, I gave him the night off. He’s gone visiting the Elves at Hogwarts, actually.”

“Oh.” Knowing they were alone in the house somehow made it worse.

They tucked in right away, Draco losing himself in his favorite Harry Potter Special. It was perfect, of course, and the garlic bread was divine. He kind of drifted as he ate, focused on the plate in front of himself, happy his mind had gone blank. He moaned around a mouthful, taking a sip of the rich wine, glancing up at Harry.

Harry had an eyebrow up and a small smirk on his lips. “Are you remembering to feed yourself properly these days?” For some reason Draco wasn’t entirely sure of, Harry was obsessed with making sure he well fed. He rolled his eyes.

“Yes, _Mother_ ,” Draco snarked, falling easily into their familiar rapport. “Well, mostly,” he amended, “I am remembering to take those muggle vitamins you recommended. I can really tell a difference. My bowel movements are near perfection.”

Harry burst out laughing, tears leaking from his eyes by the time he calmed. Draco just continued to nibble his garlic bread, satisfied he had made Harry laugh. He began to calm and decided to enjoy himself. This was just his best friend, Harry, after all.

The finished eating, leaving the dishes to wash themselves, and settled in the sitting room to watch their show. They brought the wine, Harry topping off their glasses and sitting next to Draco in his usual spot.

Did they usually sit so close? Draco couldn’t remember, even though it was just a week ago. But so much had happened since then. To Draco, anyway. The proximity of Harry’s warm body was causing his own to react, tingles starting where their legs brushed together when they reached for their wine glasses. But they always sat like this, right? Harry was affectionate by nature, wasn’t he? He was always hanging on Ron and Hermione, giving out hugs to everyone. This was no different.

Draco sighed and tried to focus on being present, pushing out the doubts and guilt to enjoy the show and the company. 

They watched a few more reruns after the new episode finished, and 11 pm arrived quickly. Draco stood to leave. Harry followed to walk him to the floo. 

“Thank you for the meal,” Draco said, feeling suddenly awkward. “It’s my favourite.”

“I know,” Harry said softly, tilting his head. “Anytime.”

They went in for a hug at the same time, and Draco barely resisted burying his face into Harry’s neck. He smelled of spiced cologne and a bit like garlic bread, and an earthy pine Draco associated with the Forest by the Black Lake. Fresh air. 

The hug seemed to go on forever and not long enough. Draco was aware that he was being stiff, but before he could melt into it, Harry moved back and bid him a good night.

Draco blinked and nodded, unable to say anything, and grabbed a handful of floo powder, and flooed home. 

He stepped into his living room, suddenly surrounded by the feel of a lifeless muggle flat, quiet and empty. He missed Grimmauld Place deeply in that moment, but nothing could be done about that.

He shed his clothing and began cleaning up the mountain of potential ensembles he had created. He had several robes levitating to their proper places when the work phone pinged.

It was Harry, of course.

_Harry: Hello, love :)_

It was so easy for Harry, wasn’t it? Just to give out this affection, as if he couldn’t be crushed at any moment. To be himself so easily.

Draco sighed.

_< Hello, darling. Just getting ready for bed._

_Harry: Is that so? What are you wearing to bed?_

_< Lol, I usually sleep in the nude, but I still have on my silk pink panties ;)_

This was actually true.

_Harry: Oh my gods, that is so sexy. Tell me what you’re doing. Every detail._

Draco paused. This was quite a role reversal. Harry wanted him to do the talking. He pulled the box out from under his bed and surveyed the contents. He grabbed a condom, the dildo, and a bottle of lube. He laid back on his sheets with the items, and texted back.

_< I have my favorite toy by my side right now, and I think I’m going to use it._

_Harry: Can I see it?_

Draco paused. He could probably could get away with one pic. He snapped a photo of the purple dildo lined up carefully with the condom and lube. His sheets were white, so they could be anyone’s.

He sent the pic.

_Harry: Oh my gods, you can fit all that inside you? Tell me how._

_< Okay, first I like to run my hands all over my body, giving myself shivers. Pinching my nipples, hard, rough, my hand brushing over the thin silk of my panties, laying on my back, legs spread wide. _

Draco quickly worked a finger into himself- he had no idea how he would explain in text on having to prepare himself so thoroughly. He got a second finger in, his muscles clenching down and burning wickedly when he got a response.

_Harry: Finger yourself for me_

_< Way ahead of you, I have two fingers wet and deep in my hole, as far as I can reach_

_< I’m ready for the big one, I’m slathering it with lube_

_< It’s quite a stretch, I have to push hard to fill myself_

_Harry: I’m_

_< I feel so full, oh Merlin, I’m pushing it in and out, fucking myself with it, gods it's so damn big, just like you Harry_

_Harry: Fffuk_

_< I might come just fucking myself on this thing, thinking about the pic you sent me_

_Harry: *1 mov._

Draco hastily opened it and was bombarded with a video of Harry groaning loudly and his flat stomach clenching, as come spurted from his ruddy wet cock. Draco came with a shout, mesmerized by the slick sounds coming from the video. His hand left the dildo deep inside himself as he milked his release from his cock in time with Harry. It took all of three seconds, but it was the best three seconds of his life. He panted and played the movie again. And again.

_Harry: Did you like that?_

_< Oh fuck that was the hottest thing I’ve ever seen in my life._

_Harry: Good._

There was no following request for Draco (Eleanor) to send a pic, so he played with the dildo still in his arse, wondering if he could go again. He watched the short video over and over, his dick finally producing a small orgasm nearly twenty minutes later, with significantly less come. His arse throbbed with the rhythm. 

He pulled the dildo from his arse, flopped over and passed out into dreamless sleep.

********

The next day was Friday. Draco was in a pit of self-loathing all day. He couldn’t believe it had been just a week since he had devised the utterly stupid plan to ‘teach Harry a lesson’. He was so mad at Drunk Draco right now. Stupid git and his terrible ideas. This whole thing was 20 times worse than trying to snog someone at the wedding that time. At least he could blame being drunk on that- and not remembering clearly thing was nice too.

If he really thought about it, he might have tried to kiss a bloke. There was no telling. He could have kissed Molly Weasley and they would all just laugh and say no big deal, and hand him a mince pie. They were entirely too forgiving. 

Hermione popped into his office near closing time.

“Hey, want to walk to the pub together?” She asked cheerfully.

He frowned. “I think I’m going to skip tonight. Take a break from drinking, we’re not getting any younger, you know.”

She rolled her eyes at the remark and closed the door, sitting in the chair closest to his.

“What is it, you never miss pub night. Remember that time when you were recovering from a broken leg from The Great Drunken Quidditch Match? You insisted Harry levitate you there so you wouldn’t miss anything. What’s really going on.”

It was more demand than question.

He sighed. He didn’t wanted to have to say it out loud. But if anyone would figure it out, it would be Hermione, and better she hear it from him first.

“I really fucked up, ‘Mione. Like, colassal fucked up. Like, _three giants standing on a mountain_ fucked up.”

She nodded and waited.

Once Draco started talking, it all spilled out of him. How he’d had the terrible idea to teach Harry a lesson about the three day rule, how they had sexted that night, how he was currently wearing a new sky-blue pair of silk panties. He might have given a few too many details, but confession felt good. And she did a skillful job at keeping her face passive until he ran out of steam.

“Well,” she said carefully, “you really have fucked up.”

Draco didn’t know why he thought she would try and coddle him. _Stupid._

“I would suggest trying to talk to Harry as soon as possible before this goes any further. He deserves to know the truth.”

“And he deserves to be happy too, I know, I know,” Draco moaned. “Even if that someone isn’t me.”

“Happiness shouldn’t come at the expense of the truth, Draco,” Hermione admonished. Her brow furrowed. “Did you just say you wanted to be the one to make Harry happy?”

Draco bit his lip. He hadn’t meant to say it like that. “Maybe?”

 

“Well, you certainly need to talk to him. I suggest you do this soon, because if you don’t... I will. You can’t keep doing this to him. Or to yourself. You deserve better that mere fantasy.” 

He wasn’t surprised by her ultimatum, but he was touched by her care for what he had inflicted upon himself.

“Okay, I promise to talk to him, but not at the pub. How about I claim to be busy for the next day- and Sunday I’ll pull him aside at the Burrow and tell him.” If his reasoning was that Harry wouldn’t kill him outright in the Weasley’s house, it didn’t need to be said aloud.

“I suppose I can get on board with that,” she sighed. “Are you coming now or aren’t you?”

He shook his head. “I need to see Mother tomorrow, and if I start drinking now, I’ll still have the stench of firewhiskey in my pores by teatime. Also with the mood I’m in, I’m liable to get pissed and do Very Stupid Things.”

She smiled at him and gave him a squeeze. “You’ve done Very Stupid Things before, Draco, and we always forgive you. Perhaps all is not lost.”

 

He returned her hug and tried a weak smile as she left. His head thunked on the table as the door clicked shut behind her.

He decided it was a takeout and Netflix binge night. He grabbed his cloak and swept out of the office.


	6. Harry Potter and the Did He Just Say What I Think He Said???

His phone pinged, waking him. There were several half-empty boxes of various curry strewn about the table, and the telly had paused on the Netflix screen asking if he was still watching. He hit continue and reached for his phone as Gordon Ramsay started screaming at some poor wannabe chef.

_Harry: Missed you tonight._

Draco blinked groggily and texted back.

_< Just hanging out and watching Netflix :)_

_Harry: Do you want company?_

Draco was sure his heart absolutely stopped beating for a few counts, before he gulped in a breath and it started to hammer through his chest, trying to escape his stupidity. He blinked at the phone, unsure how to answer-

Oh for fuck’s sake. It was his personal phone. Harry was actually texting him, Draco. Thank Salazar he didn’t say something incriminating.

_< Thanks, but I’m headed to bed. Going to see Mother tomorrow and I want to be fully alert for my lecture on how I don’t visit nearly enough._

_Harry: Lol that sounds about right. It’s been awhile since I’ve seen Andromeda. Maybe I’ll follow suit and go home now so I can drop in on her tomorrow._

_< You arse, you were there barely a week ago! Trying to show me up?_

_Harry: Lol I live for it_

_< I’m sure you do, Potter XD _

Draco ended the thread, suddenly realizing he was dangerously weaving into flirting territory. But didn’t they always talk to each other like that? 

He wrapped his blanket around himself tighter, and snuggled in to watch the tragic lives of the muggles dumb enough to be on Ramsay’s show. He liked the way he took command and screamed at them all, his power moving through the room, visible even on television. Draco had no idea how the bloke wasn’t a wizard. His bum was nice too, Draco thought as he started to drift off. How had he missed that he was at least half gay?

********

He hadn’t meant for it to be the first thing out of his mouth when he walked into the Drawing Room in the Manor to see Mother. He was met with silence.

But wasn’t surprised silence. Father might have been the one to curse and berate him, but Lucius was gone, years gone, and he was left with Mother, an imposing figure to many, but a kind heart to him. She smiled a knowing smile.

“Yes, darling, of course you ‘may be a little bit of a poof’ as you put it, and I may have suspected it for sometime now, but there’s no need to stand in the doorway huffing and puffing. Do come in and have a seat with me. Tea?”

Draco straightened his formal robes and strode across them room, taking a seat across from her. She held her hand out across the table for him to take.

“Is it Harry?” she asked, squeezing his hand.

He spluttered, wondering how the hell she knew.

“Don’t make that face my darling, I’ve always known how you felt about him. Remember after you turned 11 and it came through a Ministry source that Harry was to start Hogwarts with you? You went on and on about it, how you were to be the best of friends. You had stars in your eyes, and the reality of his rejection even back then affected you dramatically.”

Draco went red and looked down at the table. Was he really so obvious? 

“And after the Dark Lord came…” She didn’t often speak of these things, so he knew it had to be important. “You would say his name in your dreams, and I knew it had become worse. You fought with him even in your sleep, it seemed. But when he was here...and you kept Bella and Him out of your head long enough to stall on disclosing his identity…”

“Did it really make much difference in the end?” he mumbled almost to himself.

“Of course it did, Draco! Your heart was tortured by the things you saw, were forced into, Harry knew that! He saw in in your eyes, saw it through His eyes, isn’t that what he said? He wouldn’t have tried to save us both at the trials if it hadn’t mattered. Your heart remains intact because of him. You are able to love and be loved. And I know you love him, darling. You have for a very long time.”

“Mother,” his voice cracked. He cleared his throat. “I think I may have done something bad enough to push him away completely.”

“Oh darling,” She came around the small table, sitting closer to him. “You won’t know until you try. Give yourself a chance. You deserve happiness.”

“But the truth may destroy the chance for happiness.”

“If you’re living in your mind on fantasy, pining and wasting away for things that never were, you shall destroy the friendship anyway. Better to face it head on.”

Draco sniffed, blinking back tears. “When did you become so Gryffindor?”

She smiled and rubbed his back. “Now, come dear, let’s gossip. Tell me what’s Pansy up to in the fashion world.”

He loved her dearly. She was in a lot of ways like Hermione and Ginny, a strong thoughtful woman who kept her love hidden sometimes, but was there in a pinch. He was grateful for the women in his life.

********

Saturday evening found him back on the couch, staring at the telly blankly and wondering what to do about Harry. As per his luck, his work phone pinged.

_Harry: What are you up to this fine evening?_

_< Ugh, having existential crisis time and watching Gordon Ramsay berate Americans. It’s a lovely time._

_Harry: Would you like me to take your mind off things?_

Draco sighed. He knew he didn’t have the ability to say no anymore. He knew he should turn him down, make it an early night, but this could really be the last time, since tomorrow was Sunday and he would have to come clean at the Burrow. And possibly get punched. 

_< Sure ;)_

_Harry: Good ;) How about you get comfortable. Let me know when and tell me what you’re doing._

Draco went to his bedroom and pulled up the box and got out the suction cup. He rigged up the dildo to the mirror like the time before. He set the phone down in front of him and got positioned on all fours, ready. He put lube on his fingers and began stretching himself with a modest plug; he wanted to really feel it when he imagined himself spearing himself over and over on Harry’s cock. 

_< I’ve got my toy again, this time I’m on all fours._

_Harry: Fuck you look so hot, I want to taste you. I’m tonguing your hole from behind and getting you all wet and ready._

_< Yes I’m so ready_

_Harry: Good, so good, you are so hot and tight from the inside when I thrust my fingers into you, making you squirm until you are fucking yourself back on them._

_< Oh fuck Harry I need more please_

_Harry: Fuck I want you so bad, want to fill you up. I’m taking my fingers out now, and slowly, so slowly, sliding my cock in, filling you up, so hot and tight. Do you like it?_

Draco was following along, pushing his arse back on the dildo, shuddering as his hole slowly swallowed it. His skin was on fine at Harry’s words, and he closed his eyes for a moment, imagining Harry behind him slowly pushing in.

_< Fuck yes, feels so good, Harry your cock feels so good._

_Harry: Good, now I’m pulling almost all the way out and pounding back in. I’m fucking you hard, so hard you’re going to feel it for weeks, touch yourself_

Draco grabbed his neglected cock and frantically stroked it, so close.

_Harry: I'm so close, are you close are you_

_< y_

_Harry: Come for me Draco_

Draco came so hard he fell forward face first into the carpet. It seemed to go on forever, his mind blank. When he could push himself up, he held the phone in his non-sticky hand and tapped out a shaky response. 

_< Meet me at the Leaky in 30 minutes_

_Harry: Okay._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm an asshole :D
> 
> Don't worry, the conclusion is on its way


	7. Harry Potter and The Conclusion of This Smut-Filled Story

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ALSKDNXUHSKJHXKAJNX!!!
> 
> OMG DRACO WHAAAAAAT HE SAID YOUR NAME DONT FREAK OUT

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tell me if you liked it <3
> 
> Maybe I'll write a lil' sequel if you want ;)
> 
> Thanks to justkeeponwriting for my inspiration- their Destiel version is way good and has more d/s overtones if you're into it. Yum yum

A million thoughts raced through Draco head. The biggest one being _how long has Harry known?_ He couldn’t let himself delve deeper into any of it, he already felt on the verge of a panic attack and thinking beyond putting on some decent clothes and flooing to the Leaky was too much. 

He tumbled through the floo, his arse pleasantly aching and his body numb. He arrived early in his haste and sat at the usual table, which was surprisingly empty on such a busy night. He got a few flirtatious looks (probably had to do with his muggle clothes) but he stared blankly ahead as he sat in the booth facing the bar so he’d see Harry right as he came in. He had no idea what to say, what to do. He waited fearing the worst, and closed his eyes, resting his head in his hands, hating himself for once again fucking up his life. 

A warm body slid into the booth next to him. Draco froze. Harry didn’t stop moving until he was a hair’s breadth away from Draco. The heat poured off him, and Draco could smell the strong scent of male arousal. He straightened up and opened his eyes, not turning to look at Harry and took a deep breath. He was grateful to sit beside him, in their usual seats, near, but not having to face him and his intense eyes just yet. When he looked into them, he knew he’d see the truth whether he liked it or not. 

“How long have you known it was me?”

Harry huffed a small laugh, the puff of air hitting Draco’s face. He wanted to scream and run away.

“Since the second text where you called me ‘sexy’.”

Without meaning to, Draco spun to him and was instantly pinned by Harry’s clear green eyes. 

“Wha..” he said unintelligently.

“Well, actually, Eleanor was in the first year class during the Battle at Hogwarts, so I actually already knew her. I guess I cheated on the bet to get her number.”

Draco swallowed, finding his voice. “Weasley and Granger knew?”

“That I knew Eleanor already? Yeah, they did. I ended up getting her number from Luna and had a nice lunch with her. And her girlfriend Hannah, from our year. It was lovely.”

“So you knew. Knew she was a lesbian when you got her number? That was cheating, you owe me a pink fizzy drink.”

Harry tilted his head in amusement. “ _That’s_ what you’re stuck on? The bet? I’d think you might have other questions than that.”

Draco scanned Harry’s face for any clue he was having him on, was having some sort of giant joke and everyone was going to pop out and point and laugh at him. Harry must have seen something on his face.

“No, Draco, no one else knows about it. When I figured it out, I thought I’d have a bit of fun, mess with you, but it ended up really turning me on. I’ve known I’m bent for some time now, but to think you might want me in some way? Even if it wasn’t as yourself? I couldn’t help myself. I tried to get you to admit it that time when I called you Eleanor, but you were so determined to hide behind the texts. I had hoped Thursday would bring better results when we had dinner, but I could tell you still weren’t ready, I guess. I wanted to touch you so badly, you have no idea.”

Draco sat in bewilderment. “So...what you’re saying is that it was all real. All of it? But… why? Why me? I don’t understand why-”

Harry laughed again, his eyes twinkling and happy. “It’s always been you, you daft idiot. Since you tried to snog me at Ron and Hermione’s wedding, it hit me like a bludger- I had wanted you for so long. As far back as I can remember, you’ve always caught my eye like no one else. Even when we were at each other’s throats, you would feature in my wank fantasies. It made me so angry! I couldn’t let it go. You seemed to not remember trying to snog me, like it was a fluke, but it’s eaten away at me for _years_. It’s what essentially showed the cracks in my marriage. Ginny figured it out before I did, really. She’s so wonderful, I’m so glad she’s found Dean. And I’ve found...what have I found, Draco?”

Harry waited patiently with hope in his eyes as Draco gathered his thoughts. With a shaky sigh, he threw caution to the wind. 

“I don’t know when I started to fall for you, Harry. Mother says- nevermind. I realized I wanted you, actual _you_ to want actual _me_ , in the, um, bathtub. Then I couldn’t unsee it. It’s so plain, I don’t know how I missed it, really.”

Harry broke into a beatific grin, sliding closer until their bodies pressed in a line from shoulder to knee. It felt electric between them. 

“How about we go to mine and binge watch some cooking shows.”

Draco snorted. “Is that code for something? It better be code for something.” He was floored by how easy it all suddenly was. 

Harry laughed and slipped an arm around Draco’s waist pulling him closer. He was giddy with desire, and other things he didn’t know how to label. 

Harry winked. “We can watch _Top Gear_ if you like.”

“Ugh, I hate that show actually. I just watched it because you like it.”

Harry was incredulous. “I thought _you_ liked it,” he pointed accusingly, “I would have rather watched literally anything else.”

“Well, let's go Potter, haven’t got all day.”

Harry smirked and Apparated them with a pop, landing them ungracefully on the stoop of Grimmauld. Draco stumbled into him.

“Didn’t you just break three laws or something by apparating out of the Leaky?”

Harry wasn’t listening, he was busy pushing Draco through the door and then pushing him up against it. Draco laughed breathily, already so hard in his pants. Harry planted a foot between his and slotted their mouths together, pressing a thigh into Draco’s erection. Merlin, he tasted so good. Draco held on for dear life as Harry plundered his mouth, taking what he wanted. Draco allowed him to take the lead, relaxing into his grip and grinding his cock against Harry’s muscled thigh. He felt a responding thick shaft of heat press into his hip, and he moaned into the kiss. He suddenly knew what he wanted to do.

Draco flipped them quickly, holding Harry against the door with one hand and dropping to his knees.

“Fuck, Draco,” Harry moaned when he realized what was happening. He helped Draco fumble his flies open and pushed his trousers and pants down to mid-thigh. His cock stood out proudly from his body, and Draco nuzzled it with his nose and buried his face where thigh met abdomen and inhaled. The thick masculine scent was stronger there, and Draco had to taste it. He grabbed Harry loosely in one hand and gave him a few long strokes, looking up into green eyes as his tongue darted out and tasted the drops of pre-come glistening on the tip. Harry’s mouth was open and he panted, his hair wild from the kiss, his pupils enlarged. _I made him look like that,_ Draco thought delightedly.

It was now or never, so Draco sucked the head of Harry’s cock into his mouth. It felt smooth on his tongue, the pre-come bitter, but he liked it. He liked the way it dragged the roof of his mouth, he liked the bitter taste, and he liked the way it made him feel powerful and in control. He wanted more. He moved his head up and down, taking more of Harry in with each bob. He hollowed his cheeks out, giving more suction as he drew off. Harry made a strangled sound above him.

“If you don’t slow it down, I’m gonna-”

Draco arched an eyebrow up at him wickedly and began to bob faster, chasing Harry’s orgasm, determined to have him fall apart from Draco’s mouth and hands before they had even got through the hallway.

Draco felt his cock swell in his mouth and slapped Harry’s hands away from trying to pull him off, and barely even choked a bit when an overwhelming amount of come pulsed down his throat. He licked Harry clean and sat back as Harry slid down the wall, pants still down, to collapse next to Draco. 

“My gods, Draco, where did you learn to do that?”

Draco frowned slightly. “Never done it before until now,” he said casually, eyeing Harry’s reaction. “I don’t see what the big deal is, sucking a cock- it felt nice in my mouth...the weight, the taste. I like the way you taste, Harry,” the last bit he growled into Harry’s ear. 

Potter shuddered and reached down to press his palm on Draco’s throbbing erection. He smirked when Draco gasped and pulled him close, arching into the touch. 

“Oh fuck you, Malfoy, you’re in for it now.” Harry’s eyes were still dark as he pulled them together and snogged Draco again, with no less heat or passion. Draco’s knees felt weak even though they were still sitting down. The world twisted and they fell to Harry’s bed with another ‘pop’. 

Harry pushed Draco flat on the mattress and undid the buttons of his shirt, looking like a kid at Christmas, unwrapping his biggest present. Draco arched his back and preened at the attention. He had always loved being the focus of Harry’s attention, but this was so _different_ , and his heart sped up at the lust-filled look in Harry’s eye. 

One moment he was unbuttoning his trousers, the next, he was completely nude, Harry having wandlessly vanished his clothing, leaving the pink panties, his straining cock peeking over the waistband.

“Show-off,” Draco drawled, his voice coming out breathier than usual. 

Harry sucked in a breath. “I didn’t know if this...the panties... was for real or you were just saying things. I’d hoped to see you like this, so badly.”

Draco smirked. “Oh yeah, all real. I have a big purple dildo with your name on it at home.”

“Fuck yes, I can’t wait for you to use it on me.”

Harry just grinned as if he hadn’t just broken Draco's brain with that sentiment, and parted Draco’s thighs, moving his legs to the side so he could slide down and take a closer look at what he had been wanking to. Draco felt the thong move to the side, exposing his already puffy and ready hole. Draco blushed, Salazar, Harry’s focus was so intense, and he had to prop himself on his elbows to see where Harry had ducked down to-

“Oh Merlin fucking fuck-” he cried out when Harry’s tongue made a slow pass, flat and wet from Draco’s tailbone to his perineum. Harry took a second to mouth at Draco’s bollocks and the base of his cock before moving up to swallow him without warning. Draco arched off the bed, trying desperately not to come- he wanted Harry inside him first.

“Harry,” he whimpered, “need you…”

“Tell me what you need, Draco,” Harry said coyly, moving back down to lick and suck around Draco’s still loosened hole. Harry pointed his tongue and _pressed in_ , breaking Draco out into a sweat, writhing on the bed, clutching at the sheets.

“I need your bloody great cock in my arse, you tosser, so get on with it!” He had meant to sound imperious and demanding, but it came out all whinging and whimpers. 

Harry chuckled darkly. “You think you’re prepared enough?”

“Fuck, I don’t know, I just need you inside me, okay, make it hurt a little, I like to feel it burn, it feels good.”

Harry stopped what he was doing and his whole body shivered. He looked up into Draco’s eyes. “You could ask anything of me at this moment, anything, and I’d give it to you. All my gold, my invisibility cloak, it’s all yours, if you want it. Fuck, you’re so perfect.” 

“All I want right now is you you to fuck me through the mattress, you twit,” Draco laughed bleathlessly, holding the backs of his knees to his chest, his hole fluttering under Harry’s watchful eye. 

Harry seemed to growl at that and sprung on him. He firmly pressed Draco down, covering his body, giving him filthy kisses, biting and sucking as he lined up his cock. The panties were Vanished with another wordless charm, and Harry pushed solidly forward, causing them both to gasp, Draco feeling the heat and prickles of fantastic pain mixed with pleasure as Harry’s cock’s head breached the tight muscle of Draco’s pulsing hole. Harry steadily pressed in without stopping until he was fully sheathed in Draco’s heat. It was so much more than Draco expected- fuller, hotter. He arched off the bed, so Harry grabbed him around the waist, hauling him up into his lap. They heaved breaths in each other's mouths as Draco felt the sharp pain and pleasure throb through him. He rocked upward, causing Harry to slip out a little, and then back down, making them moan together. Draco felt split apart, and wrapped his legs around Harry’s waist, holding on tight as Harry held his arse cheeks open and lifted him so he could fuck up into his greedy hole. Draco was turning to jelly, noises bursting from his mouth, interspersed with cries of Harry’s name and curses and prayers. Harry sucked marks on his collarbone and neck, the sting mixing with the pleasure. 

Harry pushed him back on the mattress, hovering over him, shifting slightly and a deeper angle-

“Fuck!” Draco screamed when Harry nailed his prostate. Stars exploded before his eyes, and his cock dribbled on his belly, trapped slick between their bodies, giving enough friction for the orgasm to build swiftly.

“Harry, I’m...ah! I’m really close!” Draco choked out, still holding on to the feeling, desperately trying to keep himself from falling over the edge. He hoped Harry knew what he wanted.

“Come for me, Draco,” Harry whispered low in his ear.

Draco came with a shout, spurting in between them, his ears going deaf and his vision whiting, the roll of the waves of pleasure taking him under, barely registering Harry groan; picking up his pace under the undulation of Draco’s tightness, and stopping, the feeling of a hot liquid filling him full. Draco watched Harry with hooded eyes as he slowly pulled out and thrust back in a few times with his flagging erection, smearing the come on his hole, and pushing it back in, as if trying to keep it from escaping. Marking him. Draco’s hole throbbed and tried to suck Potter back in. 

Harry smiled up at him. “I’m still having trouble believing this is happening,” he said. 

Draco wrapped his legs back around Harry and pulled him to lay down across his chest, stickiness between them, but the weight comforting and good. 

“Believe it. This is it, Potter, better get used to it, because you’re never get rid of me now.” Draco hid his face in wild black hair, hiding the blush on his cheeks, breathing in Harry’s scent. “Besides, you said I could have _anything_ , which is a foolish thing to say mid-shag, Potter, you’re lucky I’m in love with you or I might use that to my advantage.”

Harry shifted up to be able to meet Draco’s eyes. He looked stunned, and for a moment Draco feared he should have kept his fool mouth shut. But a dazzling smile broke across Harry’s face.

“I’m so very in love with you, Draco Malfoy, so really, I am at your mercy.” His eyes twinkled as he reached in for a kiss, this one slow and sweet. 

“You still owe the table pink fizzy drinks, Potter, and an admission that you cheated on the bet.” Draco pecked Harry’s nose, blushing. 

Harry just smiled. “I think I’ve got something better they’d like to hear.”

*******

Friday seemed to come quickly, especially since Kreacher had taken liberty when he heard the two men having sex to bring Draco’s belongings from his flat to Grimmauld Place and put them away. That lead to a very easy question and answer between the two men over breakfast, and the house itself redecorated the entire floor where the bedrooms were. The wall between Regulus’ and Sirius’ old rooms disappeared, making the master bedroom enormous, expanding the en suite and adding several wardrobes for Draco’s robe organization system. Draco felt calm and connected to his surrounds more than he had since he was a child. 

They had taken a trip during the week to Hogwarts to be the first to tell James, Lily, Albus and Scorpius. The reaction was better than they could have hoped for, with James rolling his eyes and saying, “So basically nothing changes, you two still moon over each other but with sex involved.” Lily had squeaked, but seemed to take it well, since Ginevra had been by the day before to announce to the Potter children that she was involved with Dean Thomas and their Dad was happy for her and it would be alright.

Scorpius took it in stride, hugging Draco and telling him he loved him and supported him no matter what. Sometimes Draco was so very grateful that Scorpius took after Astoria in that regard. He only had to send an owl to Mother, alerting her to his change of address and that he would be bringing a friend his next visit. She simply sent back a simple congratulations and a large tin of French chocolates she insisted he share with Harry.

They managed to keep it from Hermione, Ron, and everyone else until the next pub night.

Draco walked in the door, eyes scanning the pub, landing on a head of perfect messy hair and a joyful laugh. The others were already there, including Ginerva and Dean Thomas, who were shyly smiling at each other and holding hands. Draco figured they were already shagging. 

He walked through the swarms of Ministry workers, coming up behind Harry and sliding his hands around his waist and smirking at everyone over Harry’s shoulder, blushing as Harry turned to him, kissing him squarely on the mouth.

The pub seemed to fall silent. Then it exploded in sound, eclipsed by Hermione.

“ _I bloody told you!_ I win, pay up, ginger,” Ron slid her drink away and gave her a glass of water, laughing at her drunken glee. 

There seemed to be an awfully large amount wizards and witches exchanging money and drinks. 

“Do you think we might have been the last two to see it coming?” Harry murmured into Draco’s ear as they slid into the booth. 

“Possibly,” Draco sniffed. “Now don’t get too comfortable, you own me some pink fizzy drinks.”

Harry got up again. “It’s funny, now that I think about it, that color pink _is_ very familiar.”

Draco blushed to the tips of his ears, shifting to cover his growing erection tightly encased in pink silk panties, and the blue plug (Harry had insisted he wear) pressed on his prostate . He watched Harry go. Merlin, he fucking loved that wizard. 

 

The End

**Author's Note:**

> all my HTML failed, so my italics are bye bye and my emphatic words are invisible. I'll fix it somehow


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